


Another Kind of Love

by MarmeLady_Orange



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Anxiety Attacks, Asexuality, But they are both hurting, Castiel is introduced late in the first part, College Student Sam, Dean Being an Asshole, Emotional/Psychological Issues, F/M, Heterosexual Dean, Homoromantic, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Misplaced Affections, Professor Castiel, Sam Being an Asshole, Swearing, ace!Castiel, acespnweek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-13
Packaged: 2018-02-16 22:38:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 27,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2286971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarmeLady_Orange/pseuds/MarmeLady_Orange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is a sex-crazed womanizer with an unhealthy obsession for his kid brother. Sam Winchester is in a committed relationship and is more than tired of his big brother’s possessiveness and jealousy. Jessica enlists her teacher to try and see what they could do to help her boyfriend’s brother. Professor Castiel Novak, a true and tested asexual-homoromantic, finds a new friend in Dean but also makes the mistake of falling for him.</p><p>This is a love story… another kind of love story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea about a relationship between an Asexual-Homoromantic and a Heterosexual-Homoromantic… I wondered if that was even possible. I did some research and it turned out that pretty much everything was a possibility.
> 
> I wrote a long synopsis of my idea, and put it aside, thinking I'd go back to it someday, not even sure at this point if it would be a SPN piece or not.
> 
> Then last week, I learned about the ACE-SPN Week on Tumblr… I thought it was the perfect occasion to introduce this fic… give it purpose (or something).
> 
> Again, it became a monster (well, the synopsis had seven pages so… you know, there was a bunch of stuff in there). So I'll be posting it in two parts (the second part will be posted by Sunday evening).
> 
> I hope you will enjoy it at least a little… :-)
> 
> ••

The sun was almost set when Dean Winchester drove up to the Meadowfields apartment complex in Sunnyvale, CA. He got out of his ‘67 Impala, his pride and joy, and looked at the building, his green eyes squinted behind a pair of cheap sunglasses. The place looked like it was ready to crumble but at less than a thousand bucks a month for a decent size studio, he wasn’t about to be difficult. Plus, it was only temporary. As soon as Sam would be done with Stanford, they’d move to wherever he’d end up working.

Thinking of his brother, Dean took his phone out of his pocket to check if the little shit had tried to call or text him. The device was devoid of any recent activity. Even though he was tempted to dial his brother’s number and let him know he had finally arrived, Dean pocketed the phone and instead went to pick up his duffel from the trunk. He also took a couple of boxes from the backseat, finding it’d be better not to let anything sit in his car. He didn’t think the neighbourhood to be too dangerous but he certainly didn’t want to take any chance to see his car vandalized for some books and linens.

When Dean opened the door to his new apartment, he was glad to see the windows were facing West. Slivers of orange light were peeking through the cheap plastic slats of the vertical blinds. That was excellent news for Dean. He might have to get up at sunrise to go to work, but he would hate the place to be bathed in sunlight on those mornings he could stay in bed.

Dean dropped his bag on the floor before putting down the two cardboard boxes he had also brought in. Before unpacking anything, he went back to the car to fetch the last three boxes and the six-pack of Del Sol he had bought on his way in town. It was so hot that day that even if they were cold when he bought them, the beers still had time to warm up enough to be undrinkable. When he came back to the apartment with the last boxes and the beers, the first thing he did was to put the bottles in the mini fridge, sticking one in the tiny freezer section.

The temperature in the studio was nice, cooler than expected, probably thanks to the blinds being closed. When he opened them, he was treated to the last of the sunset with the whole place getting soaked in pinkish hues. He couldn’t see the sun anymore, but the sky was marvelous, painted in blues, purples, pinks and reds. Wouldn’t it be for the dirty streaks staining the glass, the view would be close to perfect.

He went back to the door and looked for the box labeled as Supplies. Inside he found a bottle of glass cleaner but there were no paper towels. He found a rag but he decided he’d go with his uncle Bobby’s trick instead. From another box labeled Kitchen, he grabbed the little dishes and glasses he had and freed them from their newspaper packings. With the tableware piled up on the small kitchen counter, he went to the big window and cleaned it, using the rag to wipe the dust from the frame.

Within two hours, Dean was pretty satisfied with the state of his new living quarters. The dishes were clean and put away in the overhead cupboard. The kitchenette had been scrubbed down, from the counter to the provided microwave oven and mini-fridge. Sipping on his second chilled beer, he sat on the newly made bed with his phone in hand, wondering why his brother hadn’t called him yet. He knew Dean was moving in today and not only did he decline coming to help him, something about a late class, but he hadn’t even called to say hi.

But since it was early November, the sun had set pretty early and it was only 7:30 now. Sam could still be in school but Dean decided to try anyway. Maybe his brother would be hungry and they could go grab a bite, shoot the shit, spend some time together. Dean hadn’t seen his little brother for a little over three months already and his absence was like a burning hole in his gut. Taking a deep breath, he flipped his phone on and navigated through his contact list to find Sam. Not that he had that many numbers in his phone anyway. Apart from Sam, Bobby, Ellen, Jo and his new boss’ number, he didn’t need anything else.

The tightness in Dean’s heart only eased when he finally heard his sibling’s voice over the phone. And this time it wasn’t his voice-mail message, which was like a little victory.

“Hey Dean!” Sam said in an even tone.

“Hey Sam! Guess where I’m calling you from.”

“Your new place?”

“Damn right I am. It’s small but kinda nice. So, what are you up to? Done with school for the day?”

“Yeah, I wish… gotta study for this test tomorrow… you know how it is.”

“Not really, but yeah, I get it. So… I won’t see you today then?”

“No, it’s not the best time you know, studying for the exams and all.”

“Isn’t it a bit early for the exams? I thought that shit was to be in December.”

“Yeah… the Fall Quarter Exams… but I don’t wanna fall behind. We can do stuff this weekend though. I just have to much stuff right now. Projects, studying… stuff.”

“No alright, it’s fine. Your education is what matters,” Dean replied, doing his best not to sound too dejected. “Anyway, it’s my first day at Mr. Turner’s garage tomorrow so… yeah, maybe I should make it an early night.”

“Good idea. I’ll call you as soon as I know how my week-end goes and we’ll make some plans, alright?”

“Yeah, okay… sounds good. Talk to you soon, Sammy.”

“Bye, Dean.”

The sound of his brother ending the conversation left a sour taste in Dean’s mouth. He was trying real hard not to take Sam’s dismissal the wrong way. Especially since they had a fight about that right before the kid left Sioux Falls last August. It wasn’t so much of a fight as it was Sam blowing-up when he learned that Dean was moving to California in November. And apparently Dean explaining that he would have preferred moving in August with him hadn’t helped at all. Thankfully, between then and now, Sam had stopped bitching about it and even seemed to look forward to having his big brother around.

Dean went to the fridge to take a third beer and instead of going back to sit on the bed, he looked around the bare settings. He couldn’t wait to get his first paycheck to start furnishing the place a bit. First things he’d buy would have to be a toaster-oven and a coffee machine. Of course he could decide to drink instant coffee but there was only so much he was ready to sacrifice. And good coffee was one of the finer things in life. That's what life was all about; coffee, burgers, whiskey, pecan pie, his Baby, and a beautiful girl’s body under his.

Ignoring the sudden urge to go find a serving of that last item on his list, he went back to the mental listing of the things he would need to buy. The kitchen stuff was settled but another important thing to have was a TV. Nothing too fancy, even though he kinda wanted to jump on the flat screen wagon, but they were still too expensive. And he needed some sort of radio system that could play cassette tapes too. He’d look for a pawnshop in the area where they most certainly would have what he needed at a price he could afford.

He drank the last of his beer and went to the little dresser he had filled with his clothes. He took a fresh pair of boxer shorts and went in the small bathroom. He gave a disdained look to the shower cabin, remembering he hadn’t cleaned it earlier. Actually, he had foregone the cleaning of the entire room. With a deep sigh, he went back to the kitchen and grabbed the products and the still damp rag. Might as well clean everything up before using the shower for the first time.

<>•<>•<>

Dean didn’t get to see Sam before the next Saturday. Apparently, he had some heavy research to do. He spent Saturday holed up at the library but still agreed to meet his older brother at a popular pub near the university. Dean got to the place early because, quite frankly, he was getting bored at home. He had been paid the day before but didn’t think it’d be well advised to buy everything at once. So he had concentrated on the food stuff, finding a toaster-oven and a coffee machine that weren’t too expensive, plus he found a little vacuum to clean the studio’s carpet. Next paycheck he’d probably be able to splurge on a TV and a radio.

While waiting for his brother, Dean sipped on whatever beer had been on special. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t great either, tasting a bit like it had been diluted with water. Which might as well be the case. But clearly the horde of students clogging the place didn’t seem to mind, drinking the stuff directly from the pitchers. He imagined that if he had gone to college, he would have been quite the party animal, and it made him smile. But he didn’t mind not having pursued a higher education. Working at Bobby’s full-time and at Ellen’s on the weekends had ensured that his little brother would be able to study whatever he wanted.

He looked at his watch to see Sam was now twenty minutes late. As far as he could remember, his little brother had always been a punctual asshat, making everyone feel like shit when they were late even only by a minute. Dean didn’t care so much about the tardiness, but the thought of his brother maybe changing his mind made his gut churn. He hadn’t seen Sam for many months and he was starting to feel anxious at the thought of having to wait even longer. In an effort to calm down, he signaled the waitress to bring him another beer before chugging down the one he already had.

When the second glass was put in front of him, Dean grabbed it with a slightly trembling hand and started to guzzle the beer down again. Like every time his anxiety would try and creep up on him, he started to hum the first song he could think of. This time it was Metallica's Sad but True. He didn’t care that he probably looked like a freak, his hands clenched on the half empty buck and mumbling the words to a song nobody else but him could hear. He kept his eyes on the table and tried to breathe, humming and singing the song over and over.

Sam arrived at the pub forty minutes later than he had said. But Dean didn’t care. When he saw his brother, all the tension that had built up in his shoulders eased off and it was like he could finally breathe right again. He smiled wide and got up to grab his brother in a tight hug from which Sam felt the need to extricate himself at some point. Dean got the message and let him go, not without grabbing his shoulder and giving it a light squeeze.

“Hey Sammy! God am I happy to see you,” he said, beaming.

“Yeah, I know, me too. Sorry, the study session ran a bit late and my phone was—”

“No need to explain, I’m just glad you’re here.”

Sam smiled and nodded before taking the plastified menu in the middle of the table. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. The burgers are very good.”

“You know me… I’m always hungry.”

Dean called the waitress back and ordered a pitcher of beer and bacon cheeseburgers for the both of them. He didn’t see Sam’s pursed lips at his taking charge and pushed his unfinished beer towards him.

“Here, you can have this in the meantime. I had one already before that. You must be thirsty.”

“Thanks Dean, I’m good,” Sam replied, a tight smile on his lips.

“I didn’t spit in it or nothing, but alright, suit yourself,” Dean said, taking back the glass and downing its content. “So, how’s it going at that fancy school of yours?”

“Great… it’s great, really. It’s a lot of work but I’m learning so much. I love it.”

“Still wanna be a lawyer then?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I wanna be?”

“Dunno, just asking… you know, shooting the shit.”

“And how about you? How’s the new job?”

“It’s good. It’s not the best job in the world but, you know… this the life of a grease monkey,” Dean said with a short laugh. It wasn’t that he was bitter, he just knew he was lower class, unlike his brother.

“Dean, if you don’t like it, don’t do it. You could go to school and learn a new trade.”

The older Winchester was saved from answering when the waitress brought them the beer. She was cute enough so he could use her as a shield and it would still be believable that he was into her. Sadly enough, she either wasn’t into him or she really was too busy to stay and chat. And Sam didn’t insist, knowing full well his brother would not go back to school. All he’d do was to follow him like a lost puppy. But as he had promised himself, he didn’t say anything about it all and just picked-up his beer.

The brothers talked for a while, with Sam making sure he wouldn’t be touching any subject that could trigger a jalousy fit from his brother. It was difficult seeing as Dean kept asking a whole lot of questions that pretty much sounded like bear traps. Was he seeing anybody? Did he have a lot of friends? Did he like to live in the dorms? When was spring break so he could make sure he’d be able to take off too during that time. Sam, as a skilled litigator – or so his teachers would tell him – was able to skate through the obvious ruses, keeping his brother somewhat happy. He just was too strung out to endure one of Dean’s jealousy rants.

It wasn’t even 10:00 when Sam bid his goodbyes, explaining he had another long day of research to tackle the following day and wanted to get on it as early as possible. Dean nodded, saying he understood even though he would have liked for them to meet for breakfast or something. Sam promised they could do that the following Sunday, which was enough to make Dean smile and hug his brother again.

Too soon for his own taste, Dean was alone again, the pub even more crowded than it was before. With nothing better to do, he kept nursing his beer, observing the array of people moving around him. There were as many girls as there were guys and Dean had to admit that there was a respectable amount of very good looking girls. And of that, a nice percentage seemed to be there solo. He decided it was time for him to try and find someone to spend a nice time with and, in his own opinion, it’d be easier to do that while walking around instead of sitting at a table. As soon as the pitcher was empty, he left his seat to go hang out at the bar.

“I was afraid you had left,” his waitress came to tell him after a little while. She was smiling at him and he had to admit that he really _really_ found her attractive.

“You don’t think I’d leave without flirting with you some more,” he replied softly right in her ear.

“Actually, I was hoping you hadn’t stiffed me on your tab,” she said, shooting him down with a smirk.

“I’d never do that do you…” he promised, still intended on flirting.

She gave him a satisfied smile and tapped his shoulder lightly. The message was crystal clear. So he crossed her off his mental list and looked around to appraise the crowd. There was that chick in the back with long brown hair and big dark eyes. Well, they looked dark from where he was standing. At a table near the front, there was a group of girls where Dean spotted a peppy blond… and her other peppy blond friend looked really nice too. And if none of those girls were to be interested, there certainly was a whole lot of other ladies to choose from.

<>•<>•<>

From this day on, Dean decided that the pub, aptly named _Hook-Up’s_ , was his favourite watering hole. Not only was there a healthy rotation of girls, but there always was a chance that Sam could show up. It didn’t happen so much, because the kid was crazy studious, but the odd times he would come in to relax he would usually find his brother on site. If for Dean it was the best thing ever, it quickly became apparent that it wasn’t the case for Sam.

At first, Sam didn’t say anything, hanging out with his brother for a beer or two before going back to his dorm. Over time, Sam would only come to see him and talk for a couple of minutes before going to hang out with some other friends. At times, he’d be making a beer run and talk again with his brother for a couple of minutes disappearing again. Dean tried a couple of times to infiltrate the group of scholars but with little to no success. They didn’t shoo him away or anything, but it never took long for him to be bored out of his wits with all that school talk.

So Dean stayed at the bar where he felt like he belonged, drinking cheap beer and ogling at the college girls. But it wasn’t all bad, he met very interesting people, namely Benny the main bartender. He was a cool guy, a bit on the burly side, his friendly demeanour and sparkling eyes able to charm their way into anyone’s heart. But he never took advantage of it, professing his love again and again for Andrea, the waitress Dean had tried to seduce on his first visit. Benny knew about it but he didn’t mind, even going as far as trying to hook him up with any pretty girl that would come sniffing around his bar.

It was Benny who introduced Dean to Cassie a couple of days after his birthday, as a late present he said. It was fair to say that sparks flew that night. She was the first girl Dean ever brought back to his tiny apartment. The main reason for that was that it was about thirty minutes away from the bar, but he also felt like he would like to wake up beside this girl in the morning. Which he did because she stayed the night, even though she had said she probably wouldn’t. They spent the morning talking and eating through his box of Lucky Charms, grabbing them right from the bag when there wasn’t any milk left.

She told him about her family, he told her about Sammy. She talked about her major, he told her about Sam’s studies. She told him about her past boyfriends, he told her about his only steady girlfriend, Robin, who had dropped his ass because she was jealous of his and Sam’s relationship.

“I’d like to meet your brother sometimes,” Cassie said.

“I’d like that too,” he replied before taking her in his arms again.

The meeting happened about a month later. Dean and Cassie had been seeing each other exclusively and he thought it was time she met the most important person in his life. This time, they didn’t meet at the pub. The burgers were good and all, but this was not the kind of occasion to be surrounded by a bunch of rowdy students. Instead, they went to a Cajun restaurant near Dean's place that Benny had recommended. It wasn’t Dean’s usual type of grub but it was a nice change and, frankly, he could pretty much eat anything as long as it was rich and savory.

“So, Cassie… What is it that you’re studying?” was Sam’s first question, which didn’t surprise Dean in the slightest.

“Journalism… graduating this spring,” she said with a smile, which granted her with an admirative whistle from Sam.

“I think I would have liked that if hadn’t decided to go into law… be some kind of field reporter or something.”

“You never told me that,” Dean interjected, surprised.

“It was just a thought I had, didn’t stick,” Sam smiled before turning back to his brother’s girlfriend.

For Dean, it was a bit like being at the pub again and trying to spend time with Sam and his friends. All they talked about was school, and this professor, and that event, and did-you-go-to-that-guy's-conference. All things that could be mildly interesting to anyone but Dean. Still, he smiled and nodded, trying to follow as much of the conversation as he could. Not that he was an idiot, but nothing they were saying rang any bell for him. Were you to ask him about the intricate inner workings of cars, classic rock music, movies and television, he'd be talking your ear out.

And at some point, he was able to steer the conversation to the topic of movies, but again he was outbidded by his brother and girlfriend with talks about Munich, Hard Candies, Squids, and Whales. All movies, according to them, but of course Dean hadn’t seen any of them. Yet. He felt the need to say “yet” not to sound like some type of uneducated moron who’d only go see action or horror flicks. It was with a smile and a soft kiss that Cassie told him she’d bring him to see some movie about a constant gardener, whatever that was. Sam nodded enthusiastically, promising his brother that he would absolutely love it.

The night ended not too long after that, both Sam and Cassie determined to clock in a max of studying time. They hugged and kissed, promising each other they’d have to find time to have lunch sometime. When Sam came to hug his brother goodbye, he whispered in his ear how glad he was for Dean to have found such a cool girl. “Don’t let her out of your sight, she’s a catch,” he warned before letting him go and walking back to his own car. Hand in hand, Cassie and Dean walked back to the Impala in silence.

“Your brother is very nice, and very bright. I get why you're so proud of him,” Cassie finally said when they were sitting in the car.

“Yeah… he’s awesome. He’s all I have, you know?”

“I envy you guys. I don’t have siblings so… growing up was kinda lonely I guess.”

“I don’t know what I would have done on my own. Don’t think I could go on without him even today, you know?”

“Is that why you moved here?”

“Of course. I couldn’t leave him alone,” Dean smiled, oblivious to the searching look Cassie was sending him. “So, you’re not coming over?” he then asked, laying a hand on her thigh.

“I’d love to, but I really have to study. But Spring Break’s coming soon. I was to go back home but… I think I’d rather stay here,” she said, entangling her fingers with Dean’s.

“Hmm… I asked for the week off to be with Sam.”

“Are you guys going somewhere?”

“No… well, we haven’t really talked about it yet. But yeah, maybe a road trip could be cool.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever done that. It’d be awesome,” Cassie said, excited by the idea.

“Oh… no, I meant… me and my brother. Like, a family thing?”

“I thought you meant… okay… that’s fine. Maybe I’ll go home for the week then,” she sputtered before taking back her hand.

Dean leaned over and kissed her cheek before starting the car, glad to have settled the matter without much discussion. He thought back to Robin and how every time he needed to spend time with his brother they’d end up having an argument. He really liked her and he did try to make her happy but it became impossible, her demands growing more and more ridiculous. At the end, she basically asked him to choose between her and his brother. And of course he had chosen Sammy, he would always choose his little brother over anybody else. Even over their father, when he was still alive that is.

John Winchester didn’t like that so much either…

<>•<>•<>

The first time Dean ever heard about Jessica, it was during the last breakfast of the brothers’ Spring Break road trip. They were on the last leg of their three days journey, eating pancakes at the _Biggerson’s_ right outside Reno, NV. At first, Sam had rejected the idea of spending his vacation sitting in a car, arguing that they had done this enough growing up. Unwavering, Dean had insisted, cooking up a pretty decent road trip that would take them down to San Diego before driving back up through Nevada. After a while, Sam finally accepted with the sole condition that it wouldn’t take the whole week.

Dean kept his promise, clocking in as many driving hours as he could. On the first day, they had followed the coast from Palo Alto to San Diego, stopping a couple of times for restrooms and food. In San Diego, CA, they were able to find a motel sitting on the beach that wasn’t too expensive. The next day, they drove to Las Vegas, NV, finding much cheaper accommodations for the night and spending an evening playing on the nickel poker machines and sipping on free drinks. At some point, Dean moved to one of cheapest poker tables. He didn’t make much money but he didn’t lose much either, so all was fine.

The following day was by far the dullest, in Sam’s opinion. He’d had enough of the road already and couldn’t wait to get back home. After spending seven hours driving through the Nevada desert, it was time for one last night in a cheap motel in Reno. This time they didn’t go out to the casinos, Sam insisting that they just go eat and go to bed early so they could leave at dawn. Dean tried to argue, again, that the week wasn’t over yet and so what if they got back a bit later in the day. Sam didn’t want to argue, but his tone was firm when he said he had stuff to do and repeated how he didn’t want to get back home too late.

“So, what’s with wanting to go back there so bad?” Dean asked, cutting a hefty portion of pancakes before shoveling them in his mouth.

“I promised a friend,” Sam only replied, taking a bite of his buckwheat pancakes.

“A friend? What friend…”

“You don’t know her,” Sam only replied, obviously not in the mood to share.

“Her? Awww, Sammy’s got a girlfriend… what’s her name?”

“Jessica.”

“Huh… so what, you’re in love now?” Dean said, half teasing.

“I would think so, yeah,” Sam answered honestly, unable to stifle a huge grin.

For a little while, Dean didn’t say anything, taking the news in. It wasn’t like his little brother shouldn’t be having girlfriends, he knew that. But love, that was something big, something important. And if his brother was in love, it meant that this Jessica girl was slowly pushing Dean out of his brother’s heart.

“When do I meet her?” Dean said, keeping his eyes on his plate.

“We could meet for dinner this Friday, if you’re up for it. I still need to check with her but I know she doesn’t work on Fridays so—”

“She works? What is she, a local?”

“No, she’s a student, like me. Except her uncle has her tend the cash register at his store a couple of times a week. Earning some extra cash, you know?”

“Alright… I guess we can do this Friday then.”

“You can bring Cassie, of course.”

“What? Oh, yeah… of course.”

They finished their breakfast in silence, Dean musing over the news he’d just heard and Sam giving space to his brother to come to terms with them. He had been seeing Jess for a while, since October actually, but he had deliberately chosen not to say anything to his brother. He knew him and he knew that the news of another person in Sam’s life, an important one at that, could trigger anxiety in his older brother.

As for Jessica, even though she understood the situation, she had been pestering her boyfriend for a while now to meet the infamous Dean Winchester. She was certain that once they met, it wouldn’t be as bad as Sam thought, pretty sure she could win him over. That was one thing Sam loved about her, how she was self-assured and able to find a silver lining to any situation. Of course, he loved a whole bunch of other things, but this was what stood out for him

Except that she had never known anyone quite like Dean. When they met at her favourite Italian restaurant, the green eyes that fell on her were anything but kind. Still, she was determined to get on his good side. Luckily, he had brought Cassie with him and the two girls hit it off instantly. After a while, Dean seemed to relax, at times participating in the general discussion topics and even smiling at Jessica. Everything was going great and then dessert happened.

The girls went on to talk about more personal stuff while sipping on their cappuccinos, enjoying either their cannoli or tartufo. The guys were drinking their americanos and each forking through a huge portion of a Tiramisu-inspired cake.

“So, you know what you’ll be doing after you graduate?” Jessica asked Cassie with a gentle smile.

“Yeah, my dad runs his own newspaper back in Ohio, so I might start there, get some experience. Even though I’d prefer to go straight into the big leagues, you know?”

“So you’re going to live with you parents?” Jessica winced.

“Of course not, I can never go back there. I love them, but… no… anyway, I don’t think Dean would like that very much.”

Hearing his name, Dean turned his attention to the girls, suddenly interested in what they could be talking about. But he didn’t say anything. He didn’t even know what they had been saying.

“Yeah, I bet,” laughed Jessica, tossing her blond curls out of her face. “It’s like us, we can’t wait for the school year to be over so we can find our own place,” she added, gesturing between her and Sam.

“What the hell?” growled Dean, eyeing his brother’s girlfriend darkly again.

“Dean—” Sam started.

“You’re moving in with her?” Dean asked, effectively interrupting his brother. It was Jessica who answered.

“Yeah… he mostly spends time in my dorm anyway, it’s only logical.”

“He’s here to study, not to get hitched,” Dean spat.

“Woah there… we’re not getting married,” Sam objected. “Not now anyway,” he added with a wink for his girlfriend.

“Dean, why do you care? We won’t even be here next year,” Cassie tried to explain, putting a soft hand on her boyfriend’s arm to try and calm him down.

“What the fuck are you talking about? Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“I told you… when I’m done, I’m moving back home to Ohio and… you’re coming with, right?”

“What’s wrong with you? I’m not going anywhere,” Dean said, a confused frown on his face. “My place is here, with my brother. And when he leaves, that’s where I’ll be going.”

“Damn it, Dean…” sighed Sam, carding a hand in his hair. “You can’t keep doing this.”

“What?”

“This… following me around. I get that you had to take care of me when we were kids, but we’re adults now. You don’t need to watch over me anymore.”

“Hey, Sam, that’s not it at all. You’re my brother, and I love you. The chicks are fine and all but you know we belong together, right?”

A heavy silence fell on the table, nobody having anything to respond to Dean’s explanation. After a couple of minutes, Cassie took a deep breath and turned on her chair to face Dean. She clearly was about to say something but changed her mind, shaking her head with sadness in her eyes. She got up, grabbed her shawl and purse before walking out of the restaurant.

“Aren’t you gonna run after her?” Sam said, glaring at his brother.

“Why would I do that? She clearly can’t handle our relationship, just like Robin couldn’t. Just you wait, this one’s gonna do the same to you,” Dean spat, nodding towards Jessica.

Out of the three of them, she was the only one still smiling. Okay, it wasn’t an enormous gleeful smile, but a smile nonetheless. A soft and understanding smile.

“What?” Dean groused, unnerved by how cool and collected she was.

“Nothing… I just find it… you… interesting.”

“Yeah well, I got no interest in you, so—”

“Dean, if you can’t be nice to Jess, we’re leaving.”

“Huh! You wouldn’t dare,” Dean replied with a challenging stare.

“That’s why I didn’t want you to meet her, Dean. I knew you couldn’t handle it.”

“Handle what? So you found yourself a girl to bone. I don’t care. Now, I just don’t get why you’d have to go and live with her. I was thinking that you and I could find something together next year.”

“Why is it so complicated for you to understand, Dean? I love her. We’re moving in together and that’s all there is to it. I won’t let you ruin this for me.”

“I get it, Sammy. She’s your first love. But you’ll get over it real soon, believe me.”

Without answering, Sam picked a couple of twenties from his wallet and threw them on the table. Grabbing her purse from under the table, Jessica got up to follow her boyfriend out the door, but she still stopped next to Dean and grabbed him in a tight hug.

“Thank you for dinner, Dean. I hope I can see you again soon, alright? I’ll talk to Sam,” she said in his ear, then let him go to join Sam at the door.

<>•<>•<>

The next month was difficult, to say the least. Sam wouldn’t call Dean, nor would he answer his calls. Cassie never called him back but Dean didn’t call her either. The next time he saw her, it was at _Hook-Up’s_ and she was overly flirting with some model type muscle man. Dean didn’t mind so much, himself being very immersed in his flirting with a petite redhead wearing the smallest and tightest clothes he’s ever seen outside of a porno.

He was busy exploring the girl’s mouth with his tongue when he felt someone tap on his shoulder. Annoyed, he raised a hand and gave a shoo motion to whoever was trying to distract him from the hot lips on his. When the tapping on his shoulder happened again, it was a slightly pissed-off Dean that exhaled loudly and turned around.

“What,” he yelled before gaping at the person who had been trying to get his attention. “Oh! Hi Jess,” he only said, getting ready to turn back to resume on his activities with the ginger.

“Hi Dean,” the blonde girl said, always with a bright smile on her. “Can I steal you for a moment?” she asked, not waiting for an answer before grabbing his hand and pulling him away towards the exit.

“Didn’t know you smoked,” Dean said, letting her steer him towards the parking lot where other patrons were already enjoying their cancer sticks.

“I don’t… I need to have a chat with you and it’s too loud in there,” she explained, leading him towards a beaten-up orange _Miata_.

“Oh hell no! I’m not sitting in that soapbox,” Dean objected, giving a disgusted once over to Jessica’s car when he saw her unlocking the door.

“Huh… you and your brother are more alike than I thought. Alright, we’ll talk outside,” she agreed. “So… how have you been doing, Dean?” she asked, leaning her beautiful frame on the car’s door.

“Like hell… you must know that my brother isn’t talking to me, so thanks for that,” Dean replied, keeping his distance from the girl and her awful vehicle.

“Yeah, I know. I tried to talk to him, I really did. He’s pissed.”

“Is that what you came to tell me?”

“No… I was going home and thought I’d stop by, see if you were here. I’d like to invite you for brunch Sunday.”

“I don’t do brunch…”

“Fine… let’s call it a late breakfast then,” she obliged with a smirk.

“So what… you’re doing this in your little dorm room?”

“Of course not,” she laughed. “I… We kind of were presented with a great opportunity. I moved in with a friend last week. It’s her last year at Stanford so I’ll be able to keep her place and Sam’s gonna move in when she leaves.”

“It’s not Cassie’s place, is it?”

“No, it’s not Cassie’s place. I don’t think we would have invited you if it were… not while she was still there anyway.”

Dean nodded, relieved, but that only lasted for a couple of seconds. Once more, he was confronted to his brother being in love and sharing his life with someone that wasn’t him. But he missed the kid too much so he decided to swallow all the nasty things he felt like saying and mustered to present Jessica with something that could start resembling a smile.

“And Sam is okay with that?” Dean asked, nervous about the possibility that he wasn’t.

“I didn’t give him much choice. I don’t want you guys to fight, Dean. You might not know it, but he’s been miserable.”

“If he was so miserable, why didn’t he call me or answer my calls?”

“He’s miserable, but he’s also really hurt, and scared. I think you guys need to have a good conversation.”

“What the hell could he be scared of?” Dean exploded, throwing his arms in the air.

“Do you remember what you said the other night? Do you know what it sounded like?” Jessica said in a soft voice, undeterred by Dean’s outburst.

“I only said the truth,” Dean mumbled, his eyes on the tarmac.

“Be that as it may… it did sound kind of… hmm… incesty?”

“What?” yelped Dean before doubling over laughing, at Jessica’s utter surprise. “What the hell, Jess,” he said, still laughing. “Are you fucking crazy?”

“It’s not just me, Dean. Both your brother and your girl— your ex-girlfriend, understood the same thing.”

“You gotta be kidding me… come on, as if I’d want to pork my little brother.”

Dean wasn’t laughing anymore but somehow, being suspected of harbouring sexy feelings for Sam wasn’t making him mad. Probably because he found the thought beyond ridiculous. Of course he loved his brother, but he certainly didn’t _love_ his brother.

“I’m glad it isn’t the case, Dean,” Jessica said, her smile even wider now. “I guess you’ll only need to reassure your brother then. He’s pretty freaked out.”

“Yeah, I bet… He really thinks I want to… _do_ him?” Dean asked with a disgusted frown.

“I don’t believe he thought of it in much details, but yeah, basically. So, you’re coming for brunch – sorry, late breakfast – on Sunday?”

“I’ll be there,” Dean answered with a nod.

“Perfect… see you at eleven then,” Jessica confirmed before hugging Dean and kissing him on the cheek. “And thank you,” she added before folding her supple frame in the small car.

Dean watched her drive away, turning to walk back inside the pub only when he couldn’t see her tail lights anymore. He went back to stand at his usual spot at the bar, not surprised to see that the little redhead hadn’t waited for him to come back. He looked around and found her, swapping saliva with a short dude wearing a Stanford ball cap. He huffed a laugh and turned away to try and grab Benny’s attention. Before he could ask for anything, the bartender gave him a tumblr with a couple of fingers of amber liquid.

“Here you go, brother. My treat,” he said with a smile before going to the end of the bar to take another customer’s order.

Dean sniffed the content of the glass and recognized a nicely aged single malt whisky with subtle hints of wood, vanilla and honey. Benny had given him some of the good stuff then. Dean waited for the bearded man to look his way before raising his glass in thanks and taking a sip. _“That’s some fine whisky,”_ he commented to himself, enjoying the taste on his tongue and the burn in his throat. He drank it slowly, enjoying every last drop before saying his goodbyes to the bartender with an arm-wrestle handshake and a short hug.

For once, Dean left by himself, not feeling the need to engage in a one-night stand. Even with the mellow feelings instilled by Benny’s whisky, he was still a bit excited to think that he’d be seeing his brother three days later. He couldn’t stand knowing his brother was mad at him, as much as he couldn’t believe what his brother thought of him. Dean would make sure to go buy a good bottle of wine, or maybe some not too expensive champagne… wasn’t it customary to drink mimosas at brunch?

Or, you know… late breakfast.

<>•<>•<>

Jessica’s new apartment wasn’t what Dean had envisioned. Of course, he thought it would look a bit like his own, only bigger, with closed rooms and what not, inside some kind of complex. What he found was so much better, he kinda felt cheated to not have been more informed about the place. It was a house, not an apartment. Granted, it was small and in dire need of a fresh coat of paint, but it was still a house, with a yard and all. How that girl had been able to find such a sweet deal was a mystery.

When he knocked on the door, Dean was pretty confident that today was gonna be a good day. Still, when his brother opened the door, his features all closed off, Dean had to swallow his pride and smile before presenting him with the bottle of champagne.

“It’s from Napa,” he said, seeing his brother hesitating to take the bottle. “Apparently it’s perfect for mimosas,” he insisted.

“Huh… yeah, okay. Come in…” Sam finally said around a tentative smile, moving to let his brother in.

“Thanks, dude.”

“Hey, there’s my second favourite Winchester,” Jessica yelled from the kitchen. “Just in time too, the food’s almost ready. Wanna come and help me, Sammy?”

Sam took the bottle from his brother’s hand and motioned for him to sit at the dining table before joining his girlfriend in the kitchen. He saw Dean’s lips purse when he heard what Jessica called him but neither commented on it. While Jess and Sam were busy in the kitchen, Dean walked around the small space, looking at everything and nothing at once.

“So where’s your roommate?” he asked loudly after seeing a framed picture that didn’t include Jessica but instead a chunky brunette surrounded by obviously proud parents.

“She’s at the library. Told her she could stay but she said she had a ton of stuff to research. You’d like her, she’s a hoot,” Jessica replied back, still in the kitchen.

“Think you could set me up?” he asked, browsing through the well furnished bookcase. “Who reads Vonnegut?” he yelled again.

“Stacy… I still haven’t come around to reading any of his books yet, even though she’s trying real hard. And just so you know, she's into girls so no, not setting you up with her,” Jessica said, putting a plate with what looked like a vegetable omelette on the table.

Sam was following her with a couple more plates; roasted potatoes, warm biscuits and a fruit salad. Jess had gone back to the kitchen and was now coming back with a steaming pot of coffee and a jug of some kind of pink juice.

“Sorry, I don’t have orange juice, didn’t know you’d be bringing champagne,” she apologized, putting everything on the table. “I’m sure it’ll taste great with the pink grapefruit juice though,” she added with a wink to Dean.

As if on cue, Sam came back in with the champagne sitting in an ice bucket and a wicker basket filled with chocolate croissants.

“You guys went all the way, didn’t you?” Dean said, impressed by the display of food on the table.

“Most of it is store bought, so it wasn’t too much work. But yeah, I guess I might have gone overboard a bit,” Jessica explained, a soft pink hue colouring her cheeks.

“It’s perfect, babe,” Sam reassured her before kissing her softly.

“So, what’s going on with you?” Dean asked his brother, realising they hadn’t really talked to one another yet.

His brother seemed to compose himself before turning to him. “Nothing much, you know, studies, research, exams… same old, same old. What about you?” he sent back, cutting portions of the omelette and putting some on each of their plates.

“Rufus has given me more hours, so that’s good. Been spending a good chunk of time at the pub too, but you already knew that. Couple of dates here and there…”

“Dates? Is that what you call them?” Jessica teased while handing him the biscuits.

“It’s a bit classier name than what it is we really do, of that I’m sure,” Dean teased back, grabbing a couple of warm rolls. “College girls are awesome.”

“So I take you and Cassie are through?” Sam asked.

“Yeah… since… yeah, we’re done. But you gotta admit, the chick wanted me to move to fucking Ohio. We had only been seeing each other for a month. She was crazy if you ask me.”

“I do admit that’s pretty fast,” provided Jessica with a nod. “Had you ever talked about that?”

“Not a word… just glad I dodged _that_ bullet.”

They chit-chatted for a little while about inane stuff, Jessica laughing at Dean’s stories about his little brother, Sam finally letting loose. Well, the vodka they started pouring in the grapefruit juice – they ran out of champagne – was certainly helping with the loosening up. But it also made them all a bit more game to start talking about whatever Sam had in the back of his mind.

“So… Dean…” he started, having trouble finding the right words. “You gotta know… you know I wouldn’t mind if you were gay, right?”

“What the hell, Sammy… Didn’t you explain to him what we talked about?” Dean asked Jessica, convinced she would have told him about how this was all a misunderstanding.

“She did tell me,” Sam responded in place of his girlfriend. “But I’ve known you all my life, man. I’ve seen how you are around men, and not just me. Dad, Bobby, even that bartender guy.”

“Sam, I’m not fucking gay…” Dean growled, getting more and more uncomfortable. “I’m sorry if you thought I was coming on to you the other day, but I swear on mom’s grave that I wasn’t.”

“Where do you see yourself in ten years, Dean?” Jessica asked before Sam could say anything else.

“What? I don’t know… how would I know shit like that?”

“Well, I know where I see myself in ten years. I wanna be a successful child psychiatrist, helping all the kids that I can. I wanna be married to the man I love. I also want to be having kids or on my way to be having them. How about you?”

“Huh… I don’t know… I guess it depends where Sammy will be. I don’t have a career and I suck at relationships so, you know, wherever I end up isn’t important. As long as my brother’s around, I’m a happy camper.”

“Do you not see how wrong this is? It’s like you’re expecting us to live together forever,” Sam said between gritted teeth. “I’m gonna get married and have kids some day, Dean. I’m not planning on spending my life glued to my brother.”

“Why would you want to be tied down with some girl? We could go back on the road when you’re done with your school stuff. You know, driving from town to town, nailing a different chick every night… total liberty, man.”

“Dean… that’s not what I want. I need stability, something we never had as kids. I want a steady home, a steady job and a steady girl.”

“But, that wasn’t the plan, Sam.”

Dean started to feel like his stomach wanted to jump out of his throat and run away. He tried to take deep breaths to calm himself down but it felt as if his lungs couldn’t hold oxygen anymore. With a trembling hand, he grabbed his juice & vodka and finished it before making himself another drink, this time foregoing the juice part.

“I don’t know what you think the plan was, Dean, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t something I agreed to,” Sam tried to explain in a softer tone, recognizing the signs of one of his brother’s anxiety attacks.

“You did… you said… after school… you’d come back…” Dean said, his breath quick and shallow.

“Yeah, when I said that I didn’t know you’d be following me here. What I meant was that I would be coming back home to see you. I never meant to say we’d live together.”

“But Sam… I need you… and you need me… Dad told me… to take care… I can’t… you’re my… Oh God…”

“Sam, go grab a sandwich bag in the kitchen,” Jessica intervened, getting up to go sit next to Dean. “Dean, tell me what you need, I wanna help,” she told him in a soothing voice.

Sam gave his brother the paper bag and went back to sit on his chair. Even though he knew his brother had anxiety issues, he couldn’t help but be annoyed to see him yet again lose it for no reason at all.

“Sam, if you’re gonna look at you brother like that, I’d rather you go back to the kitchen. You’re not helping anything,” Jessica warned her boyfriend, seeing the expression on his face.

“I’m sorry… I’m just worried…” he said but he saw in her eyes she knew he was lying.

Ashamed, Sam forced himself to lose the scowl he was sporting and instead focused on his girlfriend while she was trying to help his brother with vivid interest. He couldn’t really hear what they were saying they were speaking so low but, for the first time in his life, he saw Dean come back down from an attack in record time. Of course, he was still shaky for a little while there, but he wasn’t unresponsive like he had seen him before. He even let himself be crowded by Jessica, letting her rub soft circles on his back and hold his hand.

“Come on, Dean… let’s move to the couch, alright? You can even take a nap if you want,” Jessica said after a little while, helping him up when he accepted with a nod.

When Sam came back with a blanket, Dean was already asleep, his head resting on Jessica’s lap. The sight made his heart skip a beat and he draped the blanket over his brother before leaning down to kiss his girlfriend.

“I love you,” he said, even though at the moment he felt it wasn’t enough. “Thank you,” he added before leaving to start cleaning up the remnants of their meal.

<>•<>•<>

“And what in the world do you think I can do about that?”

Castiel Novak was looking at his blonde friend with his head tilted to one side, unsure of what she was asking of him.

“I don’t want you to do anything… I just… I think you guys might have a lot in common, that’s all,” Jessica replied, picking at her salad with her fingers.

“I told you Jess, I don’t… I’m asexual, I don’t see the point of you wanting to set me up with this guy.”

“Jeez, I’m not asking you to sleep him. And, by your own admission, you’re not just asexual… you’re also homoromantic.”

“Even so, I still don’t understand what you want me to do with your sex-crazed, incest-inclined sort of brother-in-law.”

“I don’t want you to do anything… I just think he’s never going to be happy if he keeps doing what he’s doing. Look Cas, that other course you’re giving is all about that stuff… you know, religion and sexual identity.”

“But… I don’t think religion has anything to do with your problem.”

“No, it doesn’t… But, I really think the guy’s homoromantic as well. He just doesn’t know it.”

“You can’t know that. I can’t know that. I admit that what you’ve told me is peculiar… but it could be something else entirely.”

Jessica observed her friend, trying to think of ways to convince him he should at least meet with Dean. They had been talking about him for a while now, ever since she had met him actually and Castiel had been a great help on how she should be dealing with the guy. From what she had told him about the brother’s difficult childhood, he was the one to reassure her about Dean probably not being sexually attracted to his brother. But it did seem like his sense of duty and responsibility was all wonky.

“Look, if anything, you’re gonna be making a new friend.”

“I don’t think I need any more friends but… would it make you happy?”

As she nodded with enthusiasm, Castiel could only smile and shake his head, amused by the eager look on her face. That girl was something else and he loved her to bits, in a very platonic way of course. They had met when she came to see him after class, gushing on how she loved his take on the subject of religions, and how interesting everything was. And, he wasn't being conceited, but he knew the students often crushed on him, would they be girls or guys. That’s why he was now wearing a ring on his left hand, just so he wouldn’t have to deal with this. Still, from time to time, there’d be that one student who didn’t seem to care if he was married or not.

So he told her he was happily married, waving his left hand in front of her face, and wasn’t the cheating type. She had laughed, quite beautifully, before explaining that even though he was very attractive, he wasn’t her type. It didn’t take long after that for them to become friends, often spending a bit of time chatting after class. Of course, it was always in a public setting, he was still her professor after all, but as soon as she was done with his course, they started meeting for coffee, or even for lunch on occasion. She reminded him of his sister, Anna, who was off living her life somewhere in Europe.

“Alright then, I’ll meet your guy,” Castiel said after giving her an exaggerated sigh. He wasn’t going to tell her he’d been curious about that Dean character since she had told him about the restaurant incident. “So, when do you want to do this?”

“I’ll have to check with Sam but I’m pretty sure Thursday could be good. Neither Sam or I have class Friday morning.”

“Well… I do but only at ten, so that should be fine. You’ll send me the details?” he asked, getting up and taking his tray so he could put it away.

“I will… Thanks Cas, you won’t regret it.”

The professor didn’t answer but rolled his eyes to the ceiling in an attempt to look as annoyed as possible. But the smirk on his lips made the eye rolling’s effect pretty much nil.

<>•<>•<>

It had been a slow Thursday at _Turner’s Garage_ and Dean had been sent home right before lunch. He went home to wash and change in some clean clothes but he didn’t feel like staying put until he had to go meet Sam and Jess at the pub. He arrived at _Hook-Up’s_ a little before 1:00 and sat at the bar, as usual. Benny wasn’t on duty yet but Andrea was.

“Hey, Andrea… didn’t know you were a bartender,” he said with an appreciative smile.

“Hello Dean… yeah, Pam is out sick so I’m helping out. What can I get you?”

“I’ll have one of your bacon cheeseburgers, and some of that cheap beer you got.”

“Alright,” she said before pouring beer in a tall glass, then taking his food order to the kitchen.

When Benny got in, three hours later, Dean greeted him with a weak smile, already pretty tipsy. When Sam and Jess made it to the pub, another two hours later, Dean was definitely drunk. It wasn’t until they were all seated at a table that he noticed the guy that had come in with them.

“Who the fuck are you?” he slurred, having trouble to focus on the guy’s features. Well, it seemed to be a guy. When the dark-haired stranger spoke, Dean was convinced.

“Castiel Novak, a friend of Jessica’s. You must be Dean,” the man said in a gravelly voice.

Dean ignored the hand Castiel was giving him to shake and leaned towards his brother.

“Why the fuck is Cassie here?” he said in a loud whisper.

“Man, that’s not Cassie, it’s Castiel… that’s a guy,” Sam replied with a sigh.

“He’s got a chick’s name,” Dean pouted.

“Wow, okay… why don’t we put some food in you, Dean. What would you like?” Jessica asked, trying to keep a straight face.

“Fuck you Jess, you’re not my mom,” Dean snarled, turning to the blond woman.

“Dean, you may be drunk but you don’t have to be an ass,” Sam warned his brother.

“You’re the ass, bitch…” Dean replied with a crooked grin.

Instead of answering with his usual _jerk_ comment, Sam shook his head and grabbed his girlfriend’s hand and gave it a light squeeze.

“What are you having, babe?” he asked her.

“Not sure… I’d love some potato skins but that’s hardly a meal. The Philly Steak sandwich is pretty tempting. What about you?”

“Potato skins are a good idea, we could split a plate. Then… hmm… the grilled chicken sandwich looks nice, never had it before. Cas?”

“Their Reuben is out of this world, so that’s what I’m having,” the professor smiled. “Dean, do you know what you’re having?”

“Fuck you is what I’m having. Beer’s enough food for me.”

“Don’t make me have Benny cut you off, Dean,” Sam warned him.

“Fuck you too, Sammy. And fuck your bitch!”

“Okay, that’s enough. You better start acting like a civilized human being or we’re leaving.”

“It’s alright, Sammy—” Jessica tried to intervene.

“Stop calling him Sammy, that’s _my_ thing. Find your own fucking name for him.”

The tension at the table was escalating quickly, as was the volume of Dean’s drunken affirmations. People sitting in the surrounding tables were starting to pay attention to the foursome, which didn’t sit well with Sam. Even Jessica, despite her usual poise, was starting to look like her feathers were being ruffled by Dean’s attitude. It was Castiel who called the waitress to their table, requesting a round of sparkling waters and a coffee for Dean. Before they could give their food orders, Dean banged a fist on the table.

“Don’t listen to this faggot… bring me beer,” he growled.

Looking over her shoulder at Benny, the waitress only gave a small nod and took the table’s food order before almost running back to the kitchen, stopping to talk to the bartender. After a couple of minutes, someone came up behind Dean and put a coffee in front of him. Before he could send the cup flying from the table, a strong calloused hand grabbed his arm.

“Brother, you know I like you but keep acting like a _coyon_ and I’m gonna have to kick you out,” Benny groaned close to Dean’s ear. “Now, drink the _café_. When you’re done, you’ll drink another one. I’m not giving you alcohol again today.

If at first Dean tried to escape from the bartender’s strong grip, he admitted defeat quickly and let his arm become lax in his hold. He knew Benny and how he meant business when his French slipped out. So Dean nodded, a contrite expression on his face. Satisfied, the bartender let him go and clapped him loudly on the back before going back to his post, wishing a good evening to everyone at the table.

Even after the bartender’s intervention, the mood didn’t get any brighter. There were no more outbursts from Dean, but he certainly wasn’t of agreeable company. Both Sam and Jess tried to talk to him, telling him about funny stuff that happened at school. Castiel didn’t participate much, mostly observing the drunk man and how he interacted with the couple. If it wasn’t for his favourite sandwich being on its way, he would probably have gone home by now.

When their food arrived, Dean was already a little bit less drunk. Or maybe just calmer. Either way, he thanked the waitress with a nod and started eating his meatball sandwich as if he hadn’t eaten for days. He finished his meal before everyone else, drank his coffee and signaled the waitress for a second one, asking for some water too.

“Feeling better I see?” Jessica said with a smile.

But Dean didn’t respond, only giving her a dark look. He turned to his brother and wasn’t surprised to see him make another one of his famous bitch faces.

“What?” Dean asked, anger coating the word.

“What’s your problem, Dean? What has Jessica ever done to you?” had to ask Sam, incapable of being nice to his brother anymore.

“Of course, you’d ask. She’s working real hard to separate us, dude. I wish you could see that.”

“You’re paranoid, Dean… seriously. That’s a sickness, you know?”

“Yeah, okay, now I’m sick. Don’t you know by now that no one is ever that nice?” he spat, nodding towards the blonde. “You know, keep your enemies closer, divide and conquer, all that shit?”

“I… I don’t understand…” started Sam, dumbfounded.

“She’s Yoko, man. She’s gonna break us up.”

Unlike Castiel, Sam didn’t find Dean’s analogy to be funny at all. He was so furious that his face had taken a worrying red colouring. He sat straighter, squared his shoulder and puffed up his chest, looking like a rooster preparing to fight. He took a couple of not-so-calming breaths, sending a death glare to his brother.

“I want you to apologize to Jess. Now, Dean,” he claimed, seeing his brother sitting back on his chair and crossing his arms. “If you don’t, we’re leaving and you can forget my number, you hear?”

When Dean gave him a confrontational scowl instead, Sam got up and took his girlfriend’s hand, tugging on it so she’d get up and leave with him. She looked over an amused Castiel and saw him nod and give her a small wave. He was staying. Getting up, Jessica gave a sad look to Dean, heartbroken to see him so messed-up.

“They didn’t pay…” Dean said to himself after the couple was gone.

“Well, they do deserve a bit of retribution, don’t you think?” Castiel commented before taking a bite of his sandwich.

“Nobody asked you, asswipe. What the fuck are you even doing here?”

“Eating my sandwich. It’s really good…” Castiel answered with a smile and a bit of sauce in the corner of his mouth.

Dean scoffed in response and started to pick at the fries on his brother’s unfinished plate. The two men didn’t talk for a while, Dean slowly coming down from his drunken high with the help of food, coffee and water. It took about two hours for Dean to speak to Castiel again, this time giving him an apologetic look.

“Fuck, man… I’m sorry… I… I’m a mean drunk… just like my dad. I should know better by now.”

“You didn’t say anything I hadn’t heard before. Still not cool, but I won’t hold it against you. What do you say we try that again?”

“What?”

“Hi, I’m Castiel Novak, a friend of Jessica’s… you must be Dean,” Castiel said, repeating his introduction from earlier, again giving him his right hand to shake.

This time, the younger man shook the offered hand. I was a weak shake in Castiel’s opinion, but he knew Dean wasn’t at his best. The conversation was a bit hesitant at first but they soon found a rhythm, both discovering the other wasn’t quite what they had thought at first. When Dean decided he’d like to try the desserts in this place – thing he had never done – Castiel agreed with him and they both ordered a piece of apple pie and some more coffee.

The night ended with Dean trying to get with one of the girls at the table next to theirs. Castiel dismissed the flirting attempts of the girl’s friend by showing his ringed finger and said his goodbyes to Dean. He had been tempted to try and hug his new friend but he ultimately decided it wasn’t the right time or place.

All he knew was that the man would make a hell of a test subject.

<>•<>•<>

The next Tuesday, when Castiel came into _Hook-up’s_ , Dean wasn’t there. Not that he knew if the man would be but he had hoped to run into him. According to Jessica, he pretty much spent all his evenings in this place. He thought about leaving but then felt his mouth water at the thought about that Reuben sandwich he loved so much. Thinking he’d have to eat at some point anyway, he walked to the bar and took a seat. It didn’t take long for Benny to come and see him.

“Hey there, brother… hey, didn’t I you see here last week? With Dean?”

“Indeed, I was… didn’t think you’d recognize me.”

“Got a thing for faces. I’m Benny, and you are…?” the bartender said, extending his hand.

“Castiel, or Cas actually. Pleased to meet you, Benny,” the professor replied, taking the offered hand in his.

“Same here, Cas. So, what can I get for you?”

“I’d like one of your Reubens, and a beer. Not tap, I’ll have a _Guinness_.”

“Alright. I take it that you’re not a student, then?” Benny asked with a smirk while he was transferring the strong beer in a glass.

“You got me. I’m a teacher.”

“That’s nice, we don’t get a lot of those in here. Not in the evening anyway.”

“You’re right about that, I usually come here for lunch.”

“They all do. I’ll go put your order in,” Benny excused himself before walking towards the kitchen.

Castiel was finished with his meal and preparing to leave when he spotted Dean coming in. The young man made a beeline to the bar, not noticing the other man’s presence and sat a couple of stools further down. Castiel was hesitating, not sure if going to see him was such a good idea after all, when Benny pointed to him while talking to Dean. When he turned around and saw him, Cas was relieved to see a smile appear on the other man’s face. Before he could move, Dean got off his seat and came to sit next to him instead.

“Hey there, Cas,” he said, clapping him once in the back. “Watcha doin’ here?”

“Had to have some of that Reuben again, I’m addicted.”

“Addictions are bad, man. I don’t recommend it.”

“I think I have it under control… for now,” Castiel replied in an ominous tone, which was enough to make Dean laugh.

“So… are you on the prowl?” Dean asked Cas when Benny had brought him his usual. “I’d think that was forbidden or something.”

“Yeah, no… not on the prowl. And it wouldn’t be forbidden so much as ill advised,” Cas answered, hoping that’d be enough of an answer for Dean. He was certain that if he wiggled his ring finger in his face, that might be bringing in more questions. Questions he wasn’t ready to answer just yet.

“That sucks, seeing that they’re all legal and stuff. Must be hard to be you,” was Dean’s only response, to Castiel’s relief, who only gave back a non-committal nod.

That night was the first of many other chance encounters, or so Dean would say. Castiel didn’t bother telling him that since he was spending most of his evenings at the pub it was no accident that Castiel would run into him. Of course, the professor wouldn’t be going out every night, but he started showing up two or three times a week. It was safe to say that the men became fast friends, Dean even stifling his desire to flirt with the college girls until his friend would be gone – which usually wasn’t very late anyway. It was a mystery for Castiel to think that Dean could handle a job when he seemed to be sleeping so little.

After a while, Dean and Castiel started to make appointments – not dates – to meet at _Hook-Up’s_ on purpose. It was usually on Fridays and earlier in the evening so they could share a meal before the place became too crowded. They were both enjoying a Cajun-style burger, a new addition to the menu after Benny’s suggestion, when Dean decided it was time for him to ask Castiel about this one thing that was bugging him.

“So, Cas… what’s with the ring?” he asked after clearing his throat and hesitating a bit.

Castiel weighed his options. They had been getting to know each other for a while now, talking about pretty much every subject while artfully avoiding the anything too personal. Of course Dean had noticed the ring but he never said anything about it, until now. It was said that when people asked questions, it meant they were ready to hear the answer. Castiel hoped it was true and took a sip of his dark ale before answering.

“It’s a ruse…” he started before shaking his head, finding the answer ridiculous. “I mean, as you might have realised by now, I’m not married. This is just to… discourage anyone to… it makes me unavailable,” Castiel finally sputtered, unsure to why it was suddenly so difficult to explain. Probably because he didn’t know how his friend would react.

“Ah… the whole teacher not dating students thing. I’d think getting some attention would still be nice. But I get it, you could be tempted,” Dean replied with a wink.

“Well… that’s not exactly it. I don’t fear being tempted, it’s only so I don't have to explain why I'm not.”

“Why wouldn’t you be tempted? Are you a monk or something?”

“It’s funny you should say that, I once was tempted to pursue a religious career. But no… I don’t… I’m asexual, Dean,” Castiel explained.

“Dude… you got no junk?” Dean yelped, looking at his friend in horror.

After laughing for a good minute, Castiel was able to settle down enough to explain.

“Dean… Asexual means I’m not sexual, not that I lack a sexual organ.”

“Ah man, that’s… I’m glad you got the equipment. Not that I care, but you know… that'd be so weird,” Dean offered with a nod, taking a big bite of his burger and chewing it with gusto. As he swallowed, it looked like he had come to a sudden realisation. “But wait, you say not sexual… are you a virgin?”

“No, I’m not… it took me a while to understand who I was and I made a couple of… mistakes along the way.”

“Sex is not a mistake, dude. I’m sure you just had lousy girlfriends,” Dean said, smiling.

“First off, there were no girlfriends. Guys, Dean,” he added, seeing his friend’s puzzled look.

“Well, that’s it then. You’re not gay. No wonder you didn’t like the sex.”

“Dean, do you think I’d label myself as asexual lightly? I know it’s not the norm, but that’s what I am, I made my peace with it. I don’t enjoy sex, I don’t crave it… I don’t mind reading about it or seeing it, but it doesn’t do much for me.”

“How do you… do you even… you know…” Dean stammered, making an unequivocal gesture with his fist.

“I don’t if I can avoid it, but at some point it becomes a need, like going to the bathroom. I did it more often when I was younger… I’m kind of losing interest, I guess.”

“I’d lose interest too if that’s all I was doing,” Dean mused, trying to wrap his head around what he was hearing. “Nah… I wouldn’t…” Dean said again with a short laugh.

“You’re taking this rather well,” Castiel said before drinking the last of his beer.

“Why should I care? It’s your junk, man. If you don’t wanna use it, that’s up to you. Not saying I understand it, but I can’t understand women either so, you know…”

Once again, Dean Winchester had surprised Castiel in the best way possible. He had long realised the man wasn’t an obtuse individual, despite the opinion he had construed of him before they actually met. But seeing how he was reacting to Castiel’s _particularity_ , the professor knew he could probably tell him anything at this point. He wasn’t worried about sharing with him anymore and quite frankly, it wasn't often that he'd meet a guy that would be this receptive. Maybe because he would usually avoid getting close to men.

And remembering why he did made him wonder if he should never see Dean again.

When Dean hugged him at the end of the night, he knew for sure he could never see him again.

<>•<>•<>

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean Winchester is a sex-crazed womanizer with an unhealthy obsession for his kid brother. Sam Winchester is in a committed relationship and is more than tired of his big brother’s possessiveness and jealousy. Jessica enlists her teacher to try and see what they could do to help her boyfriend’s brother. Professor Castiel Novak, a true and tested asexual-homoromantic, finds a new friend in Dean but also makes the mistake of falling for him.
> 
> This is a love story… another kind of love story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is… second part and conclusion of my own little take on asexuality.
> 
> I am hoping that it doesn't read fake or weird… Maybe some terms aren't used properly but I think it's very much of a grey area (see what I did there?)… 
> 
> As long as nobody feels like I'm being judgemental or feel offended by my words. I swear it wasn't the intent. I just might have my own interpretation on the subject. Which could or could not be based on personal feelings.
> 
> I really do hope you'll like this piece. Thank you for reading.

Jessica gave Castiel a look that was both shocked and sad when she heard the news.

“Why, Cas? Why don’t you want to see him anymore? I thought you guys were getting along great.”

“We are… we were. It’s just, I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what? Have fun? Have friends?”

“Look, Jess… I know your intentions are good but there are things you can’t understand.”

“I understand a lot, Cas. Most of all, I understand Dean has come to see Sam and I last week to apologize. Real apologies too. He opened up and tried to explain his state of mind. He even said he might think about going to see someone about his anxiety and unhealthy rapport to Sam. And it’s all thanks to you.”

“I would highly doubt that… We’ve never even talked about his issues. Never talked about anything personal, really,” Castiel said, choosing not to share what he had told Dean two days prior.

“You’re the one big change in his life.”

“I’m a drinking buddy, Jess. Nothing more.”

“Well, you’re making quite an impression. You can’t leave him now.”

“There’s no _leaving_ him. I’m just not going to hang out with the guy anymore.”

“Are you gonna call him to let him know?”

Castiel didn’t answer, knowing he wouldn’t be able to stop the anger from seeping through his words. He was hoping she could understand the problem without having to spit it out but it seemed to be going way over her head. So he kept his eyes on his tuna salad, playing around in the plate with his fork.

“Oh my god… you like him,” Jessica breathed after a while, putting a soft hand on his arm.

He was glad that she finally had gotten it, relieved even. He could still decide to deny it but he couldn’t find the energy to do so, thanks to so many years of having to hide who he really was.

“Yeah, I do. So you see how that could be a problem, right?”

“And what if it wasn’t?”

“Jess, don’t be ridiculous. We’re talking about a very potent heterosexual. I’m a homoromantic asexual. How can you even think that’s not a problem?”

“I don’t know… But I told you before, I think he might be homoromantic too.”

“First, we still don’t know that, and I don’t think himself would know if he was. Second, he’s still sexual, and not just a little. And with women, in case you had forgotten.”

“So what… you’re afraid you’ll fall in love with him and that he’ll break your heart?”

“Pretty simple of an explanation, but that’s about it, yeah. I can’t do this again, Jess.”

“Again?”

“Yeah… there was this guy, I had just started here and we became friends. Soon enough it was clear that we liked each other a lot but… he was sexual, unlike me. Safe to say it didn’t work out.”

“He dumped you? That bastard…”

“No, Jess… I dumped him. I tried to satisfy him myself, but it ended up being pretty bad, for the both of us. Then we tried for a while to have him see other men and… turns out I was jealous, can you believe this? I couldn’t let have him what he needed even though he had accepted the fact that I was… who I was. I couldn’t even take pleasure in making him happy, and he deserved better…”

Seeing the pain in her friend’s eye, Jessica got up and gave him a hug. He hugged her back, needing the comfort. Despite his decision to never see Dean again, the idea of having him near like that, warm and soothing, made its way into his mind. He let Jessica go quickly, hoping the thought would go away with her. It unfortunately didn’t.

“I’m sorry, Cas… I didn’t know. I wish you and Dean would keep seeing each other though. You’re not only good for him, he’s good for you too.”

“No, he’s really not. He’s dangerous, Jess. And I understand how things are better now for you and your boyfriend, but I’m not sure I appreciate being used as a surrogate.”

Castiel wasn’t known to lose his temper, not anymore anyway, so his clipped tone and dark scowl effectively made Jessica sit back and fall silent. He didn’t like having to be angry to get his point across but staying calm and composed certainly hadn't been helping. Still, the hurt in his friend’s eyes wasn’t something he enjoyed.

“I’m sorry, Jess. I didn’t mean to be so short with you, but I’ve been down this road before, I don’t want a repeat performance. I wish I could trust myself not to fall in love with him, but I don’t. I already like him a whole lot.”

“I’m sorry too. You’re my friend and I only want you to be happy.”

They didn’t speak again until the lunch break was over and they separated without many words, for the first time not setting a date for their next meal together. Truth be told, they were entering exam period so they wouldn’t have much time to spare, but it felt weird to leave things unresolved. Of course, they both knew their friendship wasn’t over, not over this, but it was clear that they needed a bit of time apart.

<>•<>•<>

The next Saturday, Castiel was preparing to go for his morning run when he heard the doorbell chime. Before answering, Castiel looked at his watch to see that it was 7:30. That was hardly a decent time to arrive unannounced. On the other side of the door was a smiling Dean Winchester.

“Hey, Cas,” he said brightly, not waiting for an invitation to make his way into the apartment.

“Can I help you?” Castiel asked, confused.

“Yeah… what’s up with you? I don’t see you anymore,” Dean sent back, walking towards the couch and letting himself fall on it.

“Dean… how do you know where—”

“I asked around. I was getting worried. You don’t show up at the pub anymore, you don’t return my calls.”

“I was busy, Dean,” Castiel spat, knowing full well it must have been Jessica who gave Dean his address.

“Yeah, I bet. So, wanna hang out later?”

Castiel came to sit next to Dean on the couch and exhaled loudly. He had hoped he wouldn’t have to be in this situation.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Dean.”

“Dude, why? Is it because of that thing you told me? I swear I don’t care… more girls for me,” Dean said with a wide grin.

“No… I don’t know. I just don’t have much time as it is and, I’m too old to hang out in bars. I’ve neglected my job. I’ll have a class to teach this summer and I should be focusing on that.”

“Huh… then why does it feel like you’re brushing me off?”

Hanging his head low, Castiel didn’t know what to answer anymore. He certainly wasn’t going to tell him about his stupid little crush. But that meant he’d have to come up with a suitable explanation. He found it to be quite difficult and the dejected look on Dean’s face was only making the matters worse.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I have exams to grade, I’m won’t be going out tonight.”

“We’ll hang out here then. I won’t bother you, I swear. We could call for some pizza later, end the night with a movie. Been a while since I’ve done that.”

At that moment, Castiel knew he had lost the fight. And weirdly, it gave him a sort of insight in Dean’s psyche, seeing how he might have been acting towards Sam and how that could have irritated him. Except Cas was certainly not hating the attention the younger man was giving him, quite the contrary. Against his will, his heart started racing and he sighed in defeat.

“Alright… let’s do pizza and movies tonight,” Castiel agreed. “But I still got stuff to do so, come back around four?”

“Let’s make it three.”

“I won’t be done, you’ll be bored to death.”

“Don’t you worry about me, I know how to entertain myself. I’ll be here at three,” Dean said with a wink before getting up from the couch and leaving the apartment.

Still on the couch in his running clothes, Castiel tried to calm down, taking deep breaths and releasing them slowly. He then grabbed his phone on the coffee table and sent a text to Jessica.

_[ **To Jessica M.** : Fuck you!]_

Satisfied, he got up and left for his run, unhappy that his schedule was now delayed by about half an hour. Still, the echo of his feet on the tarmac quickly helped calm him down, forcing himself to focus on the steady rhythm instead of the sandy haired man. He ran for about an hour around Mitchell Park, already busy with other runners and dog owners. He waved and smiled at the people he was used to seeing on his runs. He also stopped to pet Juliet, a magnificent collie he had grown fond of, chatting a little with her owner, Fergus. A pompous individual but Castiel didn’t mind, as long as he could pet the dog. She reminded him very much of Lucy, the shetland sheepdog they had when he was a kid.

When he came back home, it was already nine. Unnerved, he started the coffee maker and went to take a quick shower. Clean and dressed in his most casual clothes – faded jeans and an old _Ramones_ t-shirt – he grabbed his laptop and leather briefcase, dropping them on the kitchen table. He turned on the radio, setting the dial to his favourite station. On Saturday mornings they always played a great selection of old time jazz. On Sundays, it was classical music, providing another soothing atmosphere, perfect for grading. Grabbing his phone on the coffee table, he saw he had received a text message.

_[ **From Jessica M.** : You’re welcome xx]_

Muttering curses under his breath, he flung the phone on the couch and went to pour himself a cup of coffee. Seated at the table, he grabbed the sound system’s remote control and turned up the volume, hoping it would drown the thoughts of the green eyes and gold freckled skin that were plaguing his mind. Because being asexual didn’t mean he couldn’t still see, and appreciate, beauty when he saw it. Didn’t make him want to jump his bones, but it did make his heart speed up a little, wishing he could take him in his arms and cuddle for hours. And kiss… This, he liked.

Not too soon, he was able to focus on the task at hand and forgot all about the aesthetically pleasing Dean Winchester. He only stopped working long enough to prepare himself some peanut butter toasts. He was so immersed in his work that the doorbell ringing startled him. He looked at his watch and saw that it wasn’t even three yet. With a sigh, he got up to open the door. Again, Dean was on the other side, a canvas grocery bag in one hand and a black DVD boxset in the other. Once more, Dean didn’t wait for an invitation and walked in as if he owned the place.

“Heya, Cas,” he said, making his way into the open main room.

“Hello, Dean,” he replied, not in the mood to start asking questions. He still had a lot of papers to grade.

“I thought I could make the pizza instead of ordering it. It’s been a while since I’ve made anything, that place I got isn’t fit for cooking. I hope you like pepperoni,” Dean babbled while putting away the ingredients he had brought. “Got us some popcorn too, cherry licorice and peanut m&m’s. Didn’t know what you’d like.”

Noticing the lack of response from the professor, Dean turned to look at him and noticed he was back to reading and taking notes.

“Oh, shit, sorry Cas… I’ll shut up now,” Dean apologized in a quieter tone. “I’ll sit on the couch. Brought a book to pass the time. You like Vonnegut?”

Castiel turned to glare at him, silently wishing that he would just shut up.

“Right… sorry…” he muttered, grabbing the book from the grocery bag and a beer from the pack he had brought. Soon, he was sitting on the couch, reading Vonnegut’s _Cat’s Cradle_ for the upteenth time.

Castiel decided he was done about two hours later, thinking that needing to reread the same passages again and again was a clear indication that he couldn’t do this anymore. He gathered the papers to put them back in his bag and closed his computer, going to put everything away in his bedroom. When he came back, Dean had abandoned his book and moved to the kitchen, taking out the ingredients for the pizza from the fridge.

“You need help?” Castiel asked, leaning against the counter.

“Nah… you worked all day, man. Relax, have a beer. Bought your favorite,” Dean smiled, grabbing a bottle of _Guinness_ from the fridge and decapsulating it for him. “So, pepperoni’s okay? Like, lots of it…”

“Thanks Dean, it’s perfect. So I take that you’re not a fan of vegetables?”

“You know me, dude… it’s all about the meat. Unlike you…” Dean added, waggling his brows at him.

“You’re an idiot,” Castiel said, laughing and making his way to the couch.

He had grabbed the sound system’s remote on the way and tried to find a new station to listen to.

“Hey, why did you change that?” Dean asked.

“What, you liked it?”

“It’s not my usual, but blues is something I appreciate, yeah.”

Without a word, Castiel went back to his usual radio station. Himself wasn’t a big fan of blues, but he didn’t mind listening to it either. While Dean was busy in the kitchen, Cas grabbed the book his friend had been reading. It wasn’t in the best of shape, the cover was cracked and dog-eared. It had been read multiple times, either by Dean or by whoever owned it before him.

“You ever read Vonnegut?” Dean asked, seeing his friend handle the book.

“No… not sure it’s my kind of literature,” he admitted after reading the short synopsis on the back.

“Keep it then. You should at least try,” Dean smiled, covering the pizza with grated cheese.

“When you’re done with it, I’ll try giving it a shot.”

“Dude, I’ve read it like five times already. Keep it. Just glad I can be the teacher for once.”

“How—”

“Let me pop this beauty in the oven and then, we’re starting on the _Star Wars Trilogy_.”

“Really? That’s what you brought?” Castiel all but whined, observing his friend setting the oven’s timer. “I’m not big on science-fiction.”

“Shut your mouth! This is history, just… set in space. They even say it at the beginning, it all happened a long long time ago. It’s more like science-history,” Dean said with a shit-eating grin.

Trying to ignore the thumping of his heart, Castiel sipped on his beer with a dramatic eye roll. That man would be the death of him, he just knew it.

<>•<>•<>

Sam moved in with Jessica about two weeks later and Dean was there to help them, to the couple’s delight. At first, the younger Winchester didn’t want to ask his brother, but Jessica insisted, saying he had been a joy to be around lately. He certainly wasn’t giving them any grief anymore about moving in together. He even offered them a waffle iron, pretexting it’d be perfect for the next time they’d invite him over for a _late breakfast_.

At the end of the day, when Sam was all moved in – he didn’t have that much stuff anyway – him and Jess prepared club sandwiches, serving them with chips and beer. They eventually moved to the couch while the peach pie Dean had brought was warming up in the oven.

“Dean, do you have plans next Saturday?” Sam asked after a little while.

“Nope… wanna do something?”

“We’d like to invite you to this new restaurant that opened not too far from here,” Jessica explained. “How do you feel about Indian?”

“I don’t know… I never had it.”

“I think you’ll really love the butter chicken,” she said with a smile. “We’ll be inviting Cas as well, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all, I was to ask you if he could come too, so that’s perfect.”

“So you guys are spending a lot of time together, huh?” Sam asked with a soft smile.

“Yeah… we hang out… is that a problem?”

“Of course not… it’s just the last times I went to hang out at _Hook-Up’s_ , you weren’t there. I had become used to seeing you sitting at the bar, that’s all.”

“Man, next time you gotta call me, I’ll meet you there. It’s just… I don’t think Cas has ever watched TV or movies before. He hasn’t seen anything worth mentioning anyway. So I’m kinda educating him these days.”

“That’s nice… gives you an excuse to watch all that old stuff again.”

“They’re called classics, Sammy.”

“Whatever… I’m happy you made some friends here, I was getting worried, you know?”

“Don’t you worry about me, alright? You do your thing, I’ll do mine. That’s what we’re here for, right?”

At his brother’s words, Sam sent a worried glance to Jessica. She just shook her head slightly, knowing what was disturbing him. He decided to listen to his girlfriend, not asking his brother what it was he meant with his last comment. So the evening went without a hitch, eating warm peach pie with vanilla ice cream, talking about movies, books, and television.

Dean was immensely proud of Sam’s internship at one of his professor’s law firm. He congratulated Jessica on getting her own internship, shadowing a child psychiatrist at a local hospital. In turn, they were both very happy to learn that Rufus Turner, Dean’s boss, had given him a raise and gave him the position of assistant manager.

For the first time in a really long time, everyone was doing okay.

<>•<>•<>

“You have to be there, Cas,” Jessica pleaded with her friend while they were waiting in line at one of the University’s coffee shop.

“I don’t like Indian… those spices, they just don’t do it for me. We’ll see each other some other time.”

“You don’t understand… you _have_ to be there,” she insisted, giving him a pointed look.

“Okay, what are you not telling me?” Castiel asked, squinting at her.

Before she could answer, the barista demanded his attention, waiting for his clients to order already. Once they both had ordered and paid, they walked to the end of the counter to wait for their coffees. It wasn’t until they were seated in one of the comfy loveseats that Jessica finally answered her friend’s question.

“Sam has asked me to marry him,” she said, a light blush colouring her cheeks.

“What? That’s great, Jess… Congratulations,” Castiel beamed before hugging her, keeping to himself the thought that he found it a little fast. “Dean didn’t tell me.”

“That’s because he doesn’t know yet,” Jessica said in a more serious tone.

“Oh, I get it…” Castiel said, finally understanding what the insistent invitation was about. “You want to tell him Saturday and you need a buffer, is that it?”

“Look, Dean is doing great, he’s been super nice to me. Even Sam is impressed of the changes he can see in his brother.”

“But…?”

“But there’s no way to know how he’ll react to the news of us getting engaged. Once in a while, he says things that are a bit… ambiguous.”

“Like what?”

“Like… subtle things. Saying they’re both just doing their things while being here. Sam believes his brother is going to leave him alone until he’s done with school and that he expects him to go back to Sioux Falls with him.”

“But you’re not sure…”

“I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt, you know? Telling him about our engagement might prove me wrong though. I just think having you there might help keep him grounded.”

“You know how anxiety works, Jess. It won’t matter who’s there. And you’re sure you wanna do this in a public place?”

“We’re hoping a public setting might help Dean to keep his cool.”

Castiel gave his friend a doubtful look, knowing all about the restaurant incident when she met Dean for the first time. And then when he himself met the him at _Hook-Up’s_. He certainly didn’t seem to care about whoever could be seeing or hearing him.

“Fine, I’ll go… but you might want to forego the alcohol if possible. You know how he gets when he’s drunk.”

“You really think I can tell Dean Winchester _not_ to drink?”

“Good point… let’s just hope for the best then,” Castiel breathed, already regretting to have accepted the invitation.

To Dean’s insistence, Castiel let his friend come and pick him up on Saturday night. He knew Dean was only being practical, seeing as Castiel’s place was on his way to the restaurant but the professor had to work real hard to not see this as a date. Of course it wasn’t a date. They were friends going to the same place at the same time. Nothing to be interpreted as a date, right?

“So, what do you like best in Indian food? You recommend anything?” Dean asked while on their way to meet Sam and Jess.

“I don’t really like it, I wouldn’t know what to recommend. Even though naan bread is good.”

“Why are you going then?” Dean asked, surprised.

“To spend an evening with my friends,” Castiel said, hoping he sounded convincing enough.

“Yeah, but you’re not gonna eat anything?”

“I’ll find something. Like I said, there’s naan bread. Samosas are kind of nice too. Don’t worry, I won’t be dying of starvation.”

And he couldn’t have been more right about that. Of course, Dean told Sam and Jessica about Castiel not being fond of Indian cuisine. Was it an accident that the three of them would order different meals and make sure Castiel tasted them all? Maybe… But while enjoying his frugal naan bread and samosas, he was definitely getting full on tasting every other thing that was brought to their table; Jessica’s butter chicken, Sam’s Rogan Josh, Dean’s Tandoori chicken, plus a bit of everyone’s appetizers. When came time for dessert, Sam and Jessica shared some Rasmalai while Dean declared he had to try the hot balls on ice – balls! – which he offered to share with Castiel.

“Say, Cas… what do you think of my hot balls?” Dean asked with a grin after his friend had taken his first bite.

“Squishy and syrupy,” he answered with a straight face but unable to keep the amusement from shining in his eyes.

“On this classy note, there’s something Jess and I would like to tell you,” Sam declared, deeming the ambience to be relaxed and positive enough. Taking a deep breath, he continued, ignoring the sudden seriousness of his brother. “I’ve asked Jess to marry me and she said yes,” he said, beaming, before grabbing her hand to kiss it.

Even though he already knew, Castiel feigned to be surprised and squealed, clapping in his hands and congratulating them. Okay, maybe he was playing it a little over the top, but he had never been the best of liars. Still, Dean didn’t seem to notice anything and kept silent, looking at the happy couple and obviously trying real hard to smile. What came of it looked more like a bitter scowl than anything else.

The festive aura faded, the mood quickly switching to uneasy. Nobody said anything, waiting for Dean’s reaction. It was obvious he was deep in thoughts, debating with himself. The light sweat that had appeared on his forehead was a good testament of that. At this point, his three dinner companions knew it could go either way and they were each praying that the outcome would be a positive one. They were wrong.

“Say something, Dean…” Sam ultimately said in the most soothing voice possible.

But he didn’t answer and averted his eyes. It became apparent that he was starting to have trouble breathing. To the untrained eye, it could look like he was having some sort of asthma attack, but everyone at the table knew better.

“Dean, sweetie, please tell us what’s wrong,” Jessica hushed, extending a hand towards him.

“Don’t… Don’t touch… me…” Dean stuttered, his voice rough and shaky.

“Here, drink this,” Castiel said, giving him his glass of water. Dean ignored it and got up.

“I… I can’t… I can’t do this,” he croaked and ran to the exit.

“Shit,” muttered Castiel before following his friend.

When he arrived outside, he couldn’t see Dean but was relieved to see the Impala still in the parking lot. Walking towards the side of the building, he heard some weird noises, human noises. He started to run, afraid of what he might find if that was Dean making such sounds. When he turned the corner of the restaurant, he saw his friend, crouching against the wall and mumbling under his breath, his face in his hands. Now that he was closer, Castiel could sort of recognize the sounds as singing. He didn’t think he had heard Dean sing before now and he kind of understood why. That was not enjoyable, but of course he didn’t say anything about it and crouched down next to him.

“There you are, I was worried about you,” Castiel said softly, putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“Go away… leave… me alone,” Dean growled without trying to evade his friend’s touch.

“Talk to me, Dean. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“No… I can’t… they can’t… dear god,” Dean wheezed, still having problems to breath.

“Shhh, it’s alright… take your time,” he said, moving his hand on the back of Dean’s neck and softly massaging it.

“I can’t… I can’t be alone, Cas…” Dean said again, unable to keep his tears at bay.

“I’m here, Dean. Do you wanna go home?”

It took a minute for Dean to calm down and nod, getting up to walk towards his car. Castiel went back inside the restaurant to reassure his friends and tell them he was accompanying Dean home. He grabbed some money from his wallet and gave it to Sam to cover for his and Dean’s meals, congratulated them again and promised he’d keep them informed.

When he went back outside, Dean was already in his car but on the passenger side instead of the driver’s. There couldn’t have been a better testament to him not feeling well as he never let anyone drive her. But clearly, he was expecting Castiel to take the wheel.

“I don’t wanna go home, Cas…” he said, his voice trembling.

“What do you wanna do then?”

“Your place… I… I need you, man,” Dean begged.

<>•<>•<>

As soon as they had made it in Castiel’s apartment, Dean took off his boots and made a beeline for the sofa, on which curling up on his side, crowding only half of the sofa. Castiel took off his own shoes and his trench coat, then went into the kitchen to put the kettle on and boil some water. He prepared two cups with each a teabag of his favourite infusion, green tea and jasmine flower. Castiel knew Dean wasn’t a tea person, but he chose not to nourish his friend’s anguish with coffee or alcohol.

When he brought the cups to the living room area, Dean had his eyes closed and for a second, Castiel thought he had fallen asleep. He put the drinks on the table and sat at the other end of the sofa, which prompted Dean to open his eyes.

“Prepared some tea… How are you feeling?”

“Tired… thanks for the tea,” he replied, sitting up on the couch but keeping his body folded on itself.

“Wanna watch some tv? We’re still not done with the last season of _Star Trek_.”

“It’s not the last…” muttered Dean, not looking at him.

“The last of the original ones, or so you said. So you wanna—”

“Why am I like this, Cas? Why can’t I be fucking happy for my little brother?” he asked, sending him a disheartened stare.

“I wish I knew, Dean… didn’t you say you wanted to go see someone? Like, a professional?”

“I thought that was what Sammy wanted to hear, you know? I don’t feel like telling my shit to a stranger.”

“You’re telling me…”

“You’re not a stranger Cas, you’re my best friend.”

To say that Castiel’s heart dropped in his gut was an understatement. He knew they were friends, but best friends? That was new. Still, he couldn’t disagree with him.

“I’m glad you think so, Dean,” Castiel was able to say after a little while. “I’m here for you, please know that.”

“Yeah, I know. Before, I thought Sam was my best friend, you know? Shit, he was my only friend, really. Well, apart from Jo but… it’s not the same. I never really bothered with anyone else. I’m a pretty friendly guy but I don’t get attached. Not even to girls.”

Dean paused and leaned to the table to grab his cup of tea. He took the bag out, squeezing it, and set it right on the glass table top. After a couple of sips, Dean started talking again, not looking at his friend.

“I think it’s because we moved around so much, you know? I told you that, right? How mom died when were kids and dad moved us around all the time, selling crap stuff and drinking the profits? Anyway, Sam has always been my only constant. My dad told me my brother was my responsibility when he was away… and he was away a lot. We pretty much raised ourselves. Well, I raised myself while trying to raise Sam.”

“I think you did an amazing job, if you don’t mind me saying so.”

“I don’t think Sammy would agree with you,” Dean said, finally looking at Cas who, for the first time, saw a glimpse of the little boy he must have been. “But I know I did what I could. I know I gave him love,” he continued, a soft smile adorning his lips. “I know he loved me too but… now he’s moving on and it hurts so much. Why doesn’t anybody love me enough to stay?”

Saddened by Dean’s unusual display of emotions, Castiel sat closer to the other man, wiping the tears off his face. Instead of moving away, Dean took his friend in his arms and cried with his face in his neck. It was like the dam had broken and Castiel just hugged him back, petting his hair and humming soft melodies in his ear.

They stayed this way for a while, neither of them knowing exactly for how long, but they didn’t care. All Castiel knew was that at some point, Dean would push him away, pretending it had never happened. But again, Dean surprised him when his sobs subsided and he only moved a little in order to sit next to Castiel with his head on his shoulder.

“My dad never got over my mom’s death. I still wonder today if it was the fact that I looked so much like her that made him push me away. It probably was, seeing how he would confuse me with her.” When Dean heard the hitch in Castiel’s breath, he realised what he had just said. “No, not like that… I just mean that I watched over Sammy, took care of the meals, did most of the cleaning. No, he was anything but physical with me. I don’t think I remember the last time he hugged me.”

“No wonder you’re so close to your little brother. He’s like your son, am I right?” Castiel asked, again carding a hand in his friend’s hair and softly brushing his fingers on his scalp.

“Hmm… that’s nice… yeah, he’s my everything, you know? I know it’s wrong but I don’t know how to stop.”

“What about love? You could meet a nice girl and marry her, having your own little rugrats. Wouldn’t that be fulfilling?”

“I doubt it… you know I like women but somehow, I can never feel… invested. There has to be something wrong with me.”

“I wouldn’t think so… maybe you just haven’t met the right one.”

“Maybe… or I’m not built to love.”

“I highly doubt that… you’re a loving and generous man, but you might not know how to convey it. Or to whom…”

“Maybe I’m gay.”

“Do you think you are?”

“Okay, I don’t…” Dean said with a laugh. “But sometimes I kinda wish I was.”

“I feel obligated to ask why,” Castiel said with an amused smile. Dean certainly had noticed the mirth in his friend tone and looked up at him.

“Shut up! If it wasn’t for the guy on guy thing, I’d be so down with gayness,” he said, trying to keep a straight face.

“Sucks that there has to be penises involved, right?”

“Don’t have anything against my own, but yours? Not so much.”

Both men clammed up at Dean’s words, but instead of feeling weird about it they started to laugh at the idea. What a nice portrait that was making, a promiscuous heterosexual and a homoromantic asexual. They’d be the couple of the year, no doubt about that.

After they had come down from their laughing fit, they continued talking about less intimate things, Dean soon moving around to sit facing his friend. The tea had become cold and Castiel decided his friend was doing well enough to deserve a little treat. When he took out an unopened bottle of _Johnnie Walker Blue_ from the back of the liquor cabinet, Dean’s eyes went wide.

“Man, how have you been keeping this from me,” he groused, licking his lips in anticipation.

“I’m a sneaky bastard,” Castiel offered back with a wink.

“I’ll say…” Dean replied, grabbing his glass and clinking it with his friend’s. “To us!”

“To us, Dean,” Cas replied, again working really hard not to make anything of his friend’s words. And again, he failed, the shadow of a love confession dissolving on his tongue before it could make its way out in the world.

<>•<>•<>

According to his phone, it was two in the morning when Sam was awoken by his brother calling him. He was tempted to let it go to voicemail but didn’t, seeing as Dean never called him in the middle of the night.

“Yeah…” he answered in a hushed tone, not wanting to wake up Jessica.

“Hey Sam… sorry, I know it’s late… hmm… can I crash at your place? There’s been… there’s been a fire, Sammy.”

“What? Are you alright?” Sam said in a panic, sitting up.

“Yeah yeah… I… I’m good… I just—”

“Of course, Dean. Do you want me to come and get you? Can you drive?”

“I’m fine, Sammy… I’m shaken up, but I can drive.”

“I’ll be waiting for you, alright?”

“Go back to bed… just leave a key somewhere or leave the door unlocked. I don’t want to—”

“I’ll be waiting for you, Dean. Just be careful.”

“Alright… Thanks, Sammy!”

Sam closed his phone and felt Jessica’s hand on his arm.

“What’s going on? Is everything okay?” she mumbled, her eyelids heavy with sleep.

“It’s Dean… says there was a fire at his place so he’s coming here.”

“Shit, is he okay?” she yelped, the news having the same effect on her that they had on him just before. She sat up, grabbing her boyfriend in his arms.

“Yeah… he says he’s fine. But I’ll see for real when he gets here. Ever since…”

“I know, ever since your mom. I’ll go prepare some coffee and there’s that frozen pie I could—”

“Babe, don’t make a fuss, alright? He’s only gonna recoil, you know how he is. Go back to sleep, I’ll wait for him to get here and then I’ll come back to bed.”

“Sam Winchester, you do whatever you want, but I’m getting up. I don’t care if he thinks I’m making a fuss because, I am. He needs to know that we’re there for him.”

What she didn’t tell her fiancé was that she had a nice long talk with Castiel earlier that week about what had happened with Dean. How he had gone back to Castiel’s home and the way he had opened up about some of his insecurities. Of course, Castiel hadn’t told her everything and she knew that, but he had told her the most important part. How he clearly had some fear of abandonment issues. What Jess didn’t tell her friend was that she had been suspecting for a while that Dean suffered either from an Abandoned Child Syndrome or a Reactive Attachment Disorder. Which ever it was, there was only through psychotherapy that this could be handled. Now if only Dean would go see someone…

When the older Winchester arrived at his brother’s home, they were both waiting for him. Jessica engulfed him in a strong hug before letting Sam do the same. Even though he had a smile on his face, they could feel him trembling he was so shaken up. Without asking anyone, Jessica went to the kitchen and grabbed three beers instead of the fresh brewed coffee and checked on the apple pie in the oven. It wasn’t done yet so she went back to the living room and offered the drinks to both men. Dean gave her a little smile and a nod in thanks before almost downing the whole content of the bottle in one gulp.

“Wanna tell us what happened?” Sam asked before taking a sip of his own beer.

“I don’t know. I’d just gone to bed when the alarm went off in the building. At first I wasn’t sure if it was real since we’ve had false alarms before… you know, kids messing around and shit. But then I could smell it… I knew it was close…” Dean explained, then drank the last of his beer.

Jessica, who hadn’t even touched hers yet, exchanged it for Dean’s empty bottle. He nodded again and took a sip of his new beer, but a smaller one this time.

“I grabbed my phone, keys, and wallet then I ran like the devil was after me,” Dean continued, huffing a humourless laugh.

“So what happened to your place? Will you be able to go back?” Sam asked again.

“Burned down… there’s nothing left. I didn’t have much stuff but… yeah, it’s all gone.”

Jessica put a comforting hand on his shoulder before going back to the kitchen, figuring warm apple pie could only be helpful. When she came back with plates for each of the men, Dean grabbed his with a smile while Sam shook his head. Jessica kept the plate for herself and sat on the armchair to eat her pie. She saw Dean dig in his but his movements looked automatic, he didn’t seem to be enjoying the pastry all that much. So much for operation comfort food. He finished his portion quickly and got up from the couch and gave an apologetic glance to the both of them.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be crowding your place for long… it’s just for tonight. Tomorrow I’ll find something else.”

“You can stay here as long as you need, Dean. We’re not kicking you out,” Jessica assured him, putting her unfinished piece of pie down on the coffee table.

“I think I’d like to go to bed now, if you don’t mind,” Dean said abruptly, hoping they wouldn’t make him talk anymore.

He was glad to see them both agree, Jessica grabbing both their plated and Sam guiding him towards the guest room. Inside was a single bed but Dean didn’t mind. It wasn’t like he’d be sharing it with anyone. Sam had put fresh linens on and he gave a towel and washcloth for his shower in the morning.

“Well… do you mind if I wash now? I can still smell the fire on me.”

Sam, who himself couldn’t smell anything, still said it was alright and asked if he wanted to borrow some clothes. At least, the night’s events hadn’t tempered with Dean’s sense of humour because he laughed at his brother, saying there was no way he could ever wear his gigantor clothes.

“Jerk,” Sam said fondly before going back to his bedroom.

“Bitch,” Dean replied with a smile, his heart a little lighter.

<>•<>•<>

As promised, Dean found himself another place to stay but it wasn’t anything he had expected, nor did Sam or Jess. When he called Cas to tell him the news, it was only so he wouldn’t be worried if he saw it on the news. Because the blast had indeed made local news it was so important. Two buildings in the complex had been entirely destroyed, one being Dean’s, and three others had suffered important damage. So when he explained that he had to find a new place, Castiel didn’t think before offering him to come stay with him.

“Are you sure, Cas? It won’t be for long, I swear. As soon as—”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Dean. You’re here often enough, now you just won’t have to leave.”

He winced at how it had come out but Dean didn’t seem to notice anything wrong.

“Thanks, man… I know Sam and Jess are okay with me crashing at their place but I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle it, and I don’t wanna mess things up. Plus, they’re couple and they shouldn’t have to worry about me catching them doing sex stuff.”

“That won’t definitely be a problem here.”

“Ha! That’s true… So… I can come to your place tonight then?”

“Of course. I don’t have classes today so you can get here whenever you want, I’ll be here.”

“Awesome… Thanks Cas, I’ll make it up to you.”

“Just make me some more of that pizza and we’ll be good.”

When they hung up, Castiel went to the guest room – he always meant to use it as a study but he found he preferred working at the kitchen table – and opened the pull-out bed to put fresh sheets on. He realised he didn’t know if Dean had been able to salvage any of his belongings, but he still made room in the closet for the stuff he either had or would be getting. What was missing was some kind of dresser but he thought he could go to Ikea to get something not too expensive in the coming days.

As for Dean, he had called Rufus that morning to explain what had happened and the man had insisted that he’d take a couple of days off, until he was situated. Still, Dean didn’t want to miss too many days of work, seeing how he didn’t know when he’d get anything back from his insurance. The only thing he could think of using money for right now were the essentials. He made a trip to the closest Walmart and spent a couple of hours to find everything from a new razor to some decent clothes.

He was rather glad that he didn’t have expensive tastes. All he needed were jeans, boxer shorts, some tee-shirts and flannels, and socks. Of course, he also had some nicer pants and a couple of button down before, but he decided he could wait for the insurance money to buy those again. All in all, his little shopping spree would still end up eating a nice chunk of his savings.

Going through the grocery section, he picked-up the necessary ingredients to make Castiel a nice pizza and a couple of other things, like cereal and lunch fixings. He knew Cas always had lunch at the cafeteria of the University or at a nearby restaurant, but Dean always preferred to bring his own sandwiches to work. He had more money now that he wasn’t hanging out at the pub as much, but he still preferred not to lose any time, or money, by going out for lunch.

When he got to Castiel’s apartment, he went up with all his bags at once and knocked on the door with his foot, hoping the man was indeed home. Almost immediately, Castiel opened the door.

“Hey Dean, come in… need help? You have more stuff in the car?”

“Nope, that’s all there is. I lost everything so I had to go buy clothes and stuff.”

“Oh, Dean… I’m sorry!”

“Not your fault. It smells great in here,” Dean commented, putting the bags on the floor.

“Yeah, I made chili… I hope you like that.”

“If there’s meat, I’m good… but I bought everything to make you pizza.”

“We can have that tomorrow. Today, you relax and make yourself at home.”

“Alright… so—”

“Follow me.”

Castiel took a couple of his friend’s plastic bags and guided him to the guest room he had tried to make as homely as possible. There wasn’t much more than the bed and the now empty closet, but he promised his friend he’d be adding a dresser soon. Dean told him not to make a worry about that, saying again that he would only stay until he found something, and how it was perfect as it was. Castiel didn’t insist and left him to his own volition, going back to the main room and grabbing the groceries Dean had bought to put them away.

They dined on the chili, with tortilla chips and beer, less than an hour later, unable to wait anymore they were so famished. Castiel talked about his summer class and how he was under the impression that the students in it were only there because they had nothing else better to do. Dean talked about anything but what had happened the previous day, and Castiel knew better than to start prying. Dean would talk to him if he wanted too, but not before that.

Dean insisted on washing the dishes on his own, saying he had to start pulling his own wait. Castiel scoffed at him, saying he didn’t have to do anything since he was a guest. They ended up handling the dishes together, since Dean would be taking care of dinner the next day. After everything was clean and put away, they finished the evening on the couch, watching the last of the third season of the original _Star Trek_ series. If Dean was an obvious fan, Castiel was only humouring him at this point. He was secretly hoping that Dean wouldn’t insist on watching all the other installments. Because he had researched the show and had found out there were four more series, which totalled twenty-five seasons. He knew he wouldn’t be able to survive that.

That evening, they didn’t go to bed very late, Dean thanking him again with a strong hug. Cas reciprocated it, as he always did, enjoying the warmth he knew he could never get enough of.

<>•<>•<>

“Daddy!”

Castiel woke up in a start, unsure of what had happened. He paid attention for a moment and when he realised that nothing seemed to be happening, he relaxed in order to fall back asleep.

“Hugn…! Sammy!”

This time, Castiel knew what was happening. He turned on the lamp on his bedside table and sat on his bed, wondering if he should go see Dean. Even though he seemed to be having a nightmare, he still might not appreciate to have someone barge in his room in the middle of the night. But when he heard Dean scream, this time just a painful wailing, he stopped hesitating and dashed out of his room to get to his friend’s.

He didn’t turn on the room’s lights, the brightness coming from the hall being enough to see what was going on. Dean was curled up on his side, the blankets down on the floor, and he was shivering, covered sweat. He wasn’t screaming anymore, babbling incomprehensibly and whining.

“Dean?” Cas asked, hoping to wake him without having to come into the room.

He could remember his sister Anna’s nightmare fits, punching anyone who’d try to come close to her while she was in that zone. Of course, she’d apologize profusely afterwards, but it didn’t change the fact that both him and Gabriel had received many black eyes and split lips in the process. Now Dean, he was a grown man, no doubt he was strong too. Still, Castiel couldn’t bear seeing his friend suffering like this.

“Dean, wake up,” he said again, louder, walking towards the bed.

Bracing himself for the eventual punch or kick Dean would probably throw him, Castiel came to sit on the edge of the bed, sending a hand to the sleeping man’s arm. Under his fingers, he felt him shiver, but no punches were thrown. Feeling bold, Castiel gave Dean’s arm a little squeeze before rubbing it lightly. Against all odds, it seemed to be calming him but his face was still contorted in pain.

“Dean,” Castiel repeated, this time softly, close to his ear.

“Sammy,” Dean yelled, his eyes flying open and his body jerking away from Castiel’s touch.

It took a second or two for Dean to realize where he was, his eyes red with tears. When he saw Castiel was sitting next to him, he didn’t hesitate and latched onto him as if his life depended on it. Castiel hugged him back, softly stroking his back.

“You wanna talk about it?” he asked in a hushed tone, to which Dean only replied by shaking his head. “I’m here for you,” he added, saddened by his friend’s anguish.

“Don’t go, alright?” Dean finally said, laying back on the bed without letting Castiel go, forcing him to lay beside him.

“I’ll stay… just sleep.”

“I can’t… I don’t want… did I tell you my mom died in a fire?”

“I knew she had passed, but you never told me how.”

“Yeah… I was four… Sammy wasn’t even a year old… my dad put him in my arms and told me to run outside. He tried… he tried to save her… but he couldn’t.”

“You saved your brother’s life?”

“I can still smell it, you know? I can still feel its heat, hear it…” Dean said, not answering to Castiel’s comment. “For a while there, I thought I’d want to be a fireman. It appears that having a panic attack when confronted to fire isn’t so good.”

He knew his friend was trying to inject a bit of humour in his words, but it fell flat. At least for Castiel. He couldn’t find anything funny about trauma but he didn’t say anything. What Dean needed right now was comfort, not a lesson about proper grieving etiquette.

Feeling his friend shiver, Castiel sat up so he could grab the blanket from the floor.

“Please… stay…” Dean said with a break in his voice.

“I’m not leaving,” Castiel only said, draping the comforter over both their bodies. “Just sleep… I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

Dean took his friend in his arms again, holding him tight. Eventually, his trembling subsided and he fell back asleep, Castiel keeping his promise and looking over him. Soon, he also dozed off, lolled by his friend’s now steady breathing.

<>•<>•<>

“I have to say, dear brother… You seem to have painted yourself in quite a messy corner.”

Castiel huffed in contempt at Gabriel’s words but didn’t say anything. Because his brother was unfortunately right. Telling Dean he could come and live with him might have been the biggest mistake he’s ever made.

“Where’s your boy toy now?” Gabriel asked, making very unappetizing chewing noises.

“What the hell are you eating?” Castiel replied instead, hoping his brother would take the hint.

“ _Skums_ … Nice little candies those are, you’d like ‘em. Now, your boyfriend, where?”

“He’s not my boyfriend, Gabe. We’re roommates, nothing more. And he’s at work.”

“Aaah, you can’t fool me, baby bro. I know you and you talk about that boy way too much for it to be innocent.”

“I am fond of him, it’s true, but there’s no way it will ever be anything else. We’re friends and that’s it. So, when are you coming back?” he asked, hoping to change the subject.

Gabriel’s girlfriend, Kali, had broken up with him more than a year ago and he had decided to go and travel the world, pretexting he needed a change of scenery. He didn’t have time to visit much of said world before falling in love with Stockholm, deciding to stay there. He might have been a pain in the ass, but Castiel loved and missed his brother, not finding their bi monthly phone calls to be enough.

“I dunno if I will, Cas, life’s great here. And the girls… I know you don’t care about girls, but man, they’re out of this world.”

“I’m gonna have to take your word on that,” Castiel laughed. “So what, you’re swedish now?”

“Well, my dick probably is by now…”

“Damnit, Gabe! Do you need to be so vulgar?”

“No, I guess I don’t… but I love to make you squirm. So… wanna send me a picture of that handsome boy of yours?”

“I don’t think that would be wise. Anyway, I don’t have one.”

“See, I don’t believe you. But that’s alright, I already know what he looks like.”

“How—”

“Internet, kiddo… you did tell me the name of that pub you guys hang out at… there’s a nice picture of the two of you on there. All I can say is that you guys look very happy together.”

Castiel swallowed loudly, feeling his face heating up. Holding his phone between his ear and shoulder, he opened the internet browser on his laptop and googled the pub’s name. He found its website after fumbling a little. On the main page was a nice picture of Benny behind his bar, tending to many patrons. Castiel wondered for a minute where Gabe could have seen Dean but then he noticed it. They both were in that main picture, on the far left of the bar and standing a bit in the shadows. But it was unmistakably them.

“So… you found it?”

“Hmm… yeah… I didn’t know about this.”

“You look good… both of you do. Does he always stand so close to you?”

Trying not to be annoyed by his brother’s mocking tone, Castiel kept looking at the picture. Gabriel was right, Dean was awfully close to him. Of course, trying to speak to someone in a bar would often necessitate to creep up someone’s personal space. But they weren’t talking in that picture. Castiel was facing the photographer and smiling, looking down at the glass in his hand – he didn’t even remember ever seeing someone taking pictures – while Dean was facing his side, standing unnaturally close and smiling.

“Your boy’s looking at you with stars in his eyes, Cas. You see it too, right?”

“It’s one picture, Gabe. It’s circumstantial at best. Maybe he had just said something funny, or maybe he was a bit tipsy… I don’t even know when this was taken.”

“You keep telling yourself that, little bro… I’m telling you, the boy likes you.”

“He’s straight, Gabe… and quite libidinous.”

“I’m libidinous, and straight. Most of the time anyway… there was that guy the other—”

“Shut up! I don’t wanna know. You’re a horndog, of course you’ll be sleeping with anything that looks your way.”

“Wow… didn’t think you of all people would be so judgemental of my sexual life. I prefer to say that I have a healthy appetite and am able to enjoy many types of cuisine.”

“Sorry… you’re right,” Castiel apologized. He had meant the jab to be humorous but apparently his brother hadn’t seen it that way.

“Just messing with you, kiddo. So I’ll be going to bed now, got a big day of strolling around the city doing nothing tomorrow. When are you coming to see me?”

“I don’t have much time off this summer, not sure it’d be worth it to fly there only for a week.”

“Come at Christmas then… bring your boyfriend if you want.”

“Again, not my boyfriend and he’s not gonna wanna leave his brother for the Holidays.”

“For god’s sake… bring the brother too then. Is he cute?”

“He’s mainly engaged.”

“You’re just a whole bucket of fun, aren’t you? Whatever… I’m off to bed now, talk to you soon brother. And please, _please_ , tap that ass for me, will you?”

“In your dreams, assbutt… talk to you soon!”

“Take care, Cas.”

Castiel hung up and turned his attention back to the pub’s website. It was a nice one, pretty easy to navigate and now that he could give the computer his full attention, he noticed there were a couple of other links on the main page. There was one for the menu, another for events and a third one that lead to a page with numerous pictures. He scrolled through the page and was glad not to find his or Dean’s faces anywhere again. Which was a relief, in Castiel’s own opinion

<>•<>•<>

It had been a while since Dean had spent an evening at _Hook-Up’s_ , so when Benny saw him sit at the bar, he immediately came to him.

“Hey, brother! We’ve missed you around here. Your usual?” he asked, getting ready to pour some draft in a chilled buck.

“Nah… gimme a _Guinness_ , would you?” Dean asked with a smile.

“Huh… taking after your boyfriend I see?”

Dean sent a confused look to the bartender while he was pouring the dark ale in a tall glass. Of course, he knew Benny must have been referring to Cas but not why he would be calling him his boyfriend. Maybe he just meant boy-friend, as in a friend that’s a boy. Yeah, that had to be it.

“So, where’s Cas? Everything’s good between you two, right?”

Okay, so maybe he did mean _boyfriends_ …

“What are you saying, Benny? You think Cas and I are together?”

“Well… aren’t you? I don’t see either of you in here anymore, and when you were here you guys are pretty much be glued to one another.”

“We’re just friends… Great friends, but that’s it. I’m into chicks, man. Totally loving the ladies.”

“Sorry then. I didn’t want to insult you or anything, brother,” Benny apologized even though he still wasn’t convinced.

“I’m not insulted, he’s a great guy, I guess I’d be lucky to be his boyfriend if I was into dudes. But yeah… I’m not,” Dean confirmed with a smile before taking a sip of his beer.

“So, what’s been happening?” Benny asked, keeping an eye on the bar to see if anyone needed him.

“Nothing much… my apartment building burnt down and I lost everything. Apart from that, it’s business as usual.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, that sucks. Where do you live now?”

After Benny’s assumptions about him and Cas, Dean hesitated a bit before answering. Soon enough, he found he didn’t care about what the bartender thought and told him the truth.

“Cas took me in… he had an empty room so, yeah… we’re roommates.”

“That’s cool, brother. You guys look really good together,” Benny couldn’t help saying before going to the other end of the bar to help a couple of girls who had come in.

Rolling his eyes back in his skull, Dean decided he just wouldn’t say anything back. Clearly, he didn’t think two guys could be friends, which in itself could be a testament to Benny’s own heterosexuality. Maybe he was a bit gay himself and just projecting his own desires onto the both of them.

Yet, thinking back to the last months, Dean had to admit that he had been spending a whole lot of time with the professor. Even before he went to live with him. It was like he had stopped craving getting with the ladies as much. As if spending time with Castiel was fulfilling some kind of need the casual sex encounters couldn’t. He had even stopped coming to the bar almost entirely. The last time he’d been here was about three weeks ago and Cas had been there too and they left together, Dean not even trying to get with anyone.

Realising now how everyone could think that they actually were a couple shook Dean to his core. Like he told Benny, it wasn’t like he would be ashamed of it, but he certainly didn’t want everyone to think he wasn’t into chicks anymore… especially not the chicks. Taken with a sudden urge of reconquering his casanova status, he looked around to see who could catch his fancy. Those two girls sitting at the end of the bar that Benny was chatting up were very cute and seemed available enough.

Getting off his stool, he grabbed his beer and started walking towards them, intended of getting at least one of them to leave with him tonight. If he was lucky enough, maybe both would be into it. He stopped behind them, putting his beer on the bar and putting a hand on each of the girls shoulders.

“Well hello there, ladies,” he said in his most sensual voice, giving them the Winchester Special leering look.

“Paws off, dude,” the first girl said while the second one grabbed his hand to take it off her.

“I’m sorry… you’re just so pretty, I thought I’d come and introduce myself,” he said, changing his tactic a bit. So the girls weren’t into sleezy. He could respect that. “I’m Dean…” he added, extending a hand between the both of them, uncaring about who would shake it first.

But it didn’t happen, both of them looking down at his hand then at his face before turning around to face Benny. The bartender was having trouble keeping a straight face at Dean’s failed attempt. Dean saw him mouth something but he couldn’t make out what it was, shrugging and sending him a perplexed look. At some point, one of the girls turned around to face Dean again.

“He’s saying we’re lesbians, man. Now shoo!”

Dean took his beer and walked back to where he was sitting before. Benny was still laughing when he came back to his end of the bar, giving him a glass of that good whisky he kept for his best clients.

“Brother, you should have seen your face… priceless,” Benny said, a mocking glint in his eyes.

“How could I know they were gay… I don’t think it’s ever happened that I’d hit on a girl here and that she was into chicks. Not that I know of, anyway.”

“Things have changed a lot in here in the last month or so… somehow we kind of became one of the LGBTs favourite spot to hang out. Actually, I know why but… you’re not gonna like it.”

The questioning look Dean gave him made Benny double in laughter again, making Dean start to feel very uncomfortable. The sentiment didn’t go away when all Benny would agree to tell him was to go find the pub’s website on the Internet, promising that everything would become clear as day.

When he got back to the apartment, Cas was still out, having to attend teacher thingy at the University. As usual, he had left his laptop on the kitchen table. He hardly ever took it back to his room anymore, knowing that Dean sometimes liked to use it. Of course, Dean never told him exactly the reason he was using it late at night, and he always made sure to clear the history. Both as respect and because he didn’t feel right to have his friend know what he’d be pleasuring himself to.

He grabbed a beer from the fridge and came to sit at the table, flipping the computer’s cover open. As soon as it was running, he opened the browser to look for the pub’s website. When he found it, unlike Cas, he saw it instantly. Him and Cas standing in the shadows, a bit too close for comfort. Not that they looked uncomfortable, but he could understand why Benny would have thought that they were an item. He tried remembering when that picture would have been taken but he failed, seeing nothing particular enough to help situating them in time.

For a while, he just looked at the both of them, trying to find a suitable explanation for what he could see displayed in the picture. Castiel’s demeanor was relaxed, happy, and would he be that kind of man it could almost seem bashfully flirty. As for Dean, what he saw in himself, he knew he had never seen it before. Of all the pictures he remembered seeing of him with any of his girlfriends, he never saw himself looking so happy and… affectionate. Which was ridiculous, right?

His heart beating a bit too fast, he copied the website’s address and accessed his email account. He wrote his brother a short email, pasting the pub’s web address and adding only one question: What do you see?

He hesitated a little bit then pressed _Send_ , praying that it was only his mind playing tricks on him. Feeling the need to convince himself that he wasn’t the kind of guy to sport a boner for his best friend, he grabbed his phone and went through his contacts until he found the number he had been looking for. Of all the one night stands he had since getting to California, there was only one girl he kept calling from time to time. Hoping that she wasn’t busy, he dialed her number and waited, two, three rings, before she answered.

“If it isn’t Dean Winchester,” Monica answered brightly. “What can I do you for?”

“It’s funny that you’d say it like that… wanna have some fun?”

“With you? Anytime… but we can’t go to my place, my roommate is having this romantic night thingy with her beau. What do you suggest?”

“My new place? It’s really not far from yours actually,” he said before giving her the address.

“Alright… gimme an hour. See you then,” she said before hanging up.

<>•<>•<>

When Dean woke up the next morning, he was alone. He had expected for Monica to stay the night but she had apparently decided otherwise. He felt a little bad about it but he was kind of glad he wouldn’t have to entertain her. He stretched his whole frame, moaning loudly as his muscles and joints would pop. The intense sex session from last night certainly had helped relax him and he had slept like a baby.

“‘Morning, Cas,” he said to the brown-haired man while on his way to the bathroom.

He didn’t hear Castiel’s answer but it was okay since he probably was deep in his readings again. Dean a took quick shower, remembering too late that he hadn’t brought any fresh clothes. When he came out of the bathroom, he was only wearing a towel around his waist.

“Can I talk to you, Dean?” Castiel asked as soon as he heard Dean coming out the bathroom. He had his eyes glued to his computer so he hadn’t seen his friend’s state of undress.

“Sure thing, Cas…” Dean replied, coming to sit at the table.

When Castiel looked up, he saw how not fully dressed his friend was.

“Well, you could take time to put some clothes one,” he suggested, looking back to his screen and hoping Dean couldn’t see the heat spreading to his cheeks.

“I don’t mind… unless it makes you uncomfortable.”

“No, I don’t care… I just wanted to ask you… have you been looking for a new place?”

Castiel’s question came quite as a shock to Dean. When he moved in, almost two months ago, Castiel had assured him that he could stay as long as he wanted, that he enjoyed his company and that having someone to share the bills was actually an excellent way for him to put some cash aside. If at first Dean had insisted to get his own place, he was quickly convinced by his friend’s arguments, realising that he too could be saving some money. And it had been going great… until now.

“Huh… well… no, I thought you wanted me to stay here.”

Castiel nodded, chewing on his bottom lip and obstinately keeping his eyes on the screen before him.

“What’s wrong, Cas? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, nothing wrong… per se,” Castiel answer quickly, looking at Dean, wide-eyed. “It’s just… I know we hadn’t talked about it but I thought it was implied.” When he saw Dean confused look, Castiel continued. “I met your friend this morning when I got up for my morning run. Monica?”

Realisation dawned on Dean who sighed and hid his mouth behind his hand.

“Shit, Cas… That’s right, I hadn’t though… I didn’t think you’d mind, you know… I should have asked you, I’m sorry.”

“No, I understand how you would believe this wasn’t a problem. We’re roommates and you know, you’re a sexual being, of course you’re going to have encounters from time to time. It’s just… you guys were rather loud yesterday and… I… I’m not comfortable being confronted to that. Especially when I'm not expecting it.”

“Okay… so now you’d like me to move out?” Dean asked, saddened by the idea.

“No, I’d love for you to stay… but… if you think that my… that this is unacceptable for you, I’ll understand. I certainly can’t ask you to stifle your desires on my account. Well, actually I can since I live here, but I can’t expect you to agree with it.”

“Look, man. I don’t do good on my own, I know that. I hate living by myself. I have no problem not bringing any girls here, I swear. Your place, your rules…”

“Well, if you keep on living here, it’s your place too.”

“A place where I won’t be bringing any chicks. Actually, it might just make things simpler for me. When you bring a girl home they expect stuff, man. Not Monica ‘cause she knows what it’s all about, but the others? Yeah, there’s no way I’d bring any of them here anyway. Pretty sure if you would have been home, I wouldn’t have even called Monica anyway.”

Castiel looked up from his computer again, squinting his eyes like he often did when he was trying to understand something.

“Are you saying this is my fault…?” he asked, hesitant.

“What would be your fault? I’m just saying I guess I needed the company, and you weren’t here and… yeah… I was just bored I guess.”

“Does it have anything to do with this?”

Turning the computer to face Dean, Castiel made sure he was pointing on the screen where the both of them could be seen on the pub’s website.

“You left the computer running yesterday evening, that’s what I saw when I came in,” Castiel explained.

“Yeah, had you seen that? Benny told me about it yesterday. He thinks we’re together, by the way. From what I understand, because of that picture, _Hook-Up’s_ now has a devout gay clientele,” Dean told him with a smirk.

“I knew about it… my brother told me to look it up the last time we spoke.”

“You brother?”

“Yeah, Gabe… I guess he was curious to know about the place I had been hanging out at. He too believes that we’re together,” Castiel provided, but he wasn’t smiling.

“He must know about your no sex thing, right? How could he think that we’re together?”

“I’ve had boyfriends, Dean… I told you this before.”

“I know… so… they all think it, huh?”

“It appears so. I would understand if you’d rather move and if we didn’t see each other anymore.”

“First of all, I don’t care what anybody says… second, I don’t think I wanna have this conversation with you while I’m half-naked,” Dean said, winking at his friend.

The ridicule of the situation made Castiel laugh, finally. He had been so scared that Dean would take it badly that he had been stressing all morning over it. But he should have known better. He knew his friend was a good man, sensitive and attentive to others. For someone who wasn’t lucky enough to be close to him, he could appear brash and obnoxious, but Castiel knew it was all a veneer, a way for Dean to protect his fragile heart.

Now if only Castiel was able to protect his own heart, everything would be perfect.

<>•<>•<>

“What are you really asking me here, Dean?”

While Dean had been talking to Castiel in the kitchen, Sam had tried to call him, leaving a voicemail asking his brother to call him back. Dean had pretty much forgotten the email he had sent until his brother brought it up when he called him.

“Not sure… Benny was saying some shit yesterday and… I was wondering if you saw anything weird in that picture with me and Cas.”

“Like what? How you guys seem, like, in love with each other or something?”

“Did you talk to Benny?” Dean growled, half annoyed.

“Not at all… haven’t been to this place for some time now. So what, is that what you wanted me to see?”

“Well, yes and no… I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t be seeing it actually. You know, people hallucinating and shit.”

“Would it be so bad?” Sam asked, his soft and understanding tone so far from what he’d been giving his brother in the last years.

“Kinda… I don’t like dudes, Sam.”

“And still, you like Cas a whole lot. I didn’t need some random picture on the Net to see that. Are you weirded out by his asexuality?”

“So you know about that. That’s another thing, see? Even if I was into dudes, he’s not into anyone, guy or girl. How can you like someone if you don’t even _want_ them, you know?”

“Yeah… honestly, I’m not the best person to try and explain this to you. Jess knows a whole lot more about it all. But I think Cas would still be the best person to answer your questions. He’s the one living it.”

“I guess. We kind of started talking earlier, I was just returning your call. Maybe I should go back there.”

“Good idea. And really, man, don’t fret alright? There are no rules when it comes to relationships… as long as everyone’s happy.”

“Maybe… Thanks Sam. I’ll call you later. Say hi to Jess for me.”

When Dean came out of his room, dressed in jeans and a simple t-shirt, Castiel was still sitting at the table, doing whatever on his computer and sipping on his cup of coffee. He went to grab a cup for himself and grabbed a pack of _Pop-Tarts_ in the pantry, then came to sit back down at the table.

“That’s your breakfast?” Castiel asked with a smirk.

“Breakfast of champions, dude… it’s like cereals but without the milk.”

“You’re full of shit…”

“You know it,” Dean agreed before taking a huge bite of his strawberry flavoured pastry.

It took a while for them to talk again, each unsure if they should be continuing the conversation from earlier or just let it go. But Cas didn’t know Dean had been talking to his brother so he was a little surprise by his friend’s question.

“So… those boyfriends of yours… how did that work?”

“Well… I guess the most experiencing I ever did in the relationship department was when I was seeing Jake. He’s my last attempt at anything remotely romantic.”

“So what, were you both guys asexuals?”

“Hardly,” Castiel said, huffing a bitter laugh. “Nope, he was a regular gay man with strong gay desires. We tried… I tried everything to make him happy. It wasn’t enough.”

“So what, you had sex with him?”

“I did… I thought I wouldn’t mind, not if it made him happy… but it was mostly awkward. Then, I told him he should find release elsewhere, which he agreed to. And he seemed to be needing _a lot_ of release… and I realised I was jealous… so I let him go.”

“Huh… so I guess you should date other asexuals then?”

“Maybe… probably… I’ve met a few over the years and… it never clicked. Seems I tend to fall for the sexual guys. And not all asexuals are homoromantics either.”

Dean nodded, not sure if he himself fell in that category of guys Cas would fall for.

“Homoromantic?”

“Even though I don’t want sexual release, I still crave some sort of intimacy. I need love.”

“I’m gonna tell you something I’ve never told anybody. Not even Sam…” Dean said after a while, sending his friend a pointed look. Castiel nodded as a promise never to reveal what he was about to learn.

“I told you we’ve been on the road with our dad for most of our childhood, right? He’d drive from town to town, selling whatever, I never knew exactly. And sometimes he’d just disappear for many days. Most of the times he’d leave me money to buy food for Sammy and myself, and he’d pay the motels upfront. But in the later years, he seemed to be forgetting about us he was so fucked up.”

Dean pushed aside his remaining _Pop-Tart_ and got up to go grab the coffee, pouring some in each of their cups. He came to sit back at the table, Castiel waiting patiently for him to keep on telling his story.

“On a couple of occasions, I had to do whatever I could to make sure Sammy would have food to eat and that we wouldn’t get kicked out of the room we were staying in. All because my dad had been too drunk or preoccupied to make sure we were set. The first time was an accident… or rather, something I hadn’t thought about before being propositioned…”

Castiel tried to muffle a soft gasp behind his hand but pretty much failed, making Dean look at him with defiance. But what Dean saw in his friend’s eyes wasn’t anything resembling judgement or disgust. It was unadulterated sadness.

“Yeah, so I guess you know where I’m going with that. Turned some tricks as a teen. Of course, I would have prefered it was women who’d want to pay for my sweet cheeks, but you might imagine it wasn’t the case. And I didn’t like it, even though the attention was kinda nice. Still, if I had been by myself, I would have endured the hunger, and I wouldn’t have cared about being kicked out of the rooms. But I had Sammy to think of. That’s why he can never know about this shit.”

“Of course,” muttered Castiel, speaking for the first time. He was tempted to ask why Dean was telling him all of this but he didn’t dare.

“So, I guess what I mean to say is… I get it… what you did for your boyfriend. You did something you shouldn’t be doing to make someone else happy. I know it’s not as simple as that but… I don’t know… I… you gotta know I really like you, Cas.”

“But… I like you too, Dean… I never doubted that.”

“No, I mean… see, my whole life I’ve only loved a couple of people, and they were all family or family-like; my mom, my dad, Sammy, Bobby, Ellen, Jo… they’re the most important people in my life. But other than that, I never felt anything… not a single girl was ever as important as any of them. That’s how I knew I didn’t love them. But then, I came here and I met you.”

“But—”

“Let me say this, alright? I don’t know how it works it your world but… I can honestly say that you are more important to me than any girl I’ve ever dated. You’re as important to me as Sammy is. I’m having trouble wrapping my head around the idea it’s so huge. I’ve never felt anything like this before.”

“You also said you never had a best friend, maybe you’re just confusing—”

“Apart from Sam, Jo was the closest thing I ever had to a best friend. And I still love her but I know that what I feel for you is stronger. That other night, when you stayed with me after my nightmare? It was the best sleep I’ve ever had.”

“So what are you saying, Dean?”

“Look, I don’t know… I’m flying blind here, man. I just… I think we could be good together, that’s all. Do you like me at all?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Dean, you know I do. But what about the sex? I’m all down with us being together but… that won’t make me any less asexual.”

“No… I know… so you’re like… no physical contacts at all?”

“Not exactly. I like proximity, hugging, kissing, massages, the light stuff… At first, Jake and I could spend hours just sharing warmth. He got over that real quick.”

“If you ask me, he was an idiot,” Dean declared, getting up from his seat to go and take Castiel’s hand in his. “Come,” he only said, pulling a dazed Castiel towards his room.

<>•<>•<>

“Are you freaking serious?” Jessica squealed, not caring about the other clients in the coffee shop who had turned to look at her. “I don’t believe this…”

“I doubt that… you pretty much called it,” Castiel replied in a hushed voice, hoping she’d get the message.

“Yeah, but… I didn’t think I was right. Holy shit!”

“Look, I’m not sure that we’re a couple or anything. I just know we’ve taken things further.”

“How much further?” Jessica prodded, waggling her eyebrows.

“Seriously? How far do you think an asexual can take things.”

“Don’t you play dumb with me, mister… I know for a fact that you guys do more than you advertise.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Castiel whined, shaking his head.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Sam would have told me anyway. Dean is telling Sam, right? I can’t hide this from him.”

“Believe me, if he wasn’t, I wouldn’t have said anything to you.”

Jessica scowled at him but only for a second, unable to hide her happiness.

“So, tell me, how was it?”

“I don’t know what you think “it” could have been, but whatever it was, it was… marvelous. I swear, even with Jake there wasn’t such a level of understanding, and intimacy. We just stayed in bed most of the day, and cuddled, and kissed, and talked… and if there was anything else, I wouldn’t be telling you.”

“Well, you kinda did just now…”

“You think what you want, my lips are sealed.”

“Okay, answer this then. Bisexual?”

“No, you were right… there’s a big homoromantic inkling there… then maybe a pinch of heteroflexibility. And that’s all you’re getting,” Castiel said, pointing a finger in her face.

“I don’t need anything more than that,” she replied, looking like the cat that got the cream.

<>•<>•<>

“Well… that’s… wow,” Sam sputtered, bewildered.

“Ah man, are you freaked out? I should have known you—”

“No, no, I’m not freaked out. It’s just… it’s you, you know?”

“Not sure I follow… enlighten me,” Dean requested, keeping his defensive mechanisms in check.

“Alright… All my life, I’ve seen you with this girl, and that girl, and you know… I thought you’d get married and then… this happens.”

“Really, dude? You’re the one who was telling me about the no rules and shit.”

“No, I know… I guess I just never believed you’d actually go for it. So what, he’s your boyfriend now?”

“Not sure we’re there yet. We had a nice time but… maybe, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just the word that sucks. Boyfriends… it kinda sounds gay, don’t it?

“Well…”

“Still not gay, Sammy. Just… gayish, maybe.”

“That sounds even worse.”

“Yeah, I know… Cas says he’s homoromantic and I think it sums it up nicely. I just might be that too.”

“So what, no more sex?”

Sam rolled his eyes at the sight of his brother cackling at the question. He could be so juvenile sometimes.

“Look, I need sex, alright? I don’t think that’ll ever change. And I know Cas is not into it so, there might come a time when I’ll need to do some… hmm… outsourcing,” Dean said with a smile, proud of his analogy. “It’s something we’ll be figuring out at some point. But yesterday, I swear to you, you would have put a chick next to me and I wouldn’t even have seen her. It was all about soft touches, slow kisses, boners and I swear I—”

“Okay, that’s enough… I don’t think I want to know what happened. Don’t tell me about boners or anything remotely sexual. You’re my brother, I don’t need these images in my head.”

“I’ll tell you one thing though… it was the best thing to ever happen to me. It was like… you know when we were kids and we’d sleep together because dad was away and you were scared? Well, it was kinda like that but the adult version.”

“Dean, what—”

“On a comfort level, that’s what I mean. I felt safe, and I felt loved… I don’t know how else to explain it.”

“Maybe it doesn’t need to be explained anymore than that…” Sam said, finally understanding what it was that his brother might have been looking for all these years.

He wasn’t sure his brother fully understood it, but he was hoping he would someday. Maybe with the help of someone who’d be able to put words on all those things he had been keeping buried inside.

“I’m happy for you, Dean,” Sam added, giving his brother’s shoulder a hefty squeeze.

<>•<>•<>

“So what now?”

Castiel came to stand behind his boyfriend, hugging him at the waist.

“It’s your call, Dean. It’s your future.”

“Maybe, but you got a life here, a great job. You can’t start over on my account.”

“First, I wouldn’t be starting over, I am still an appreciated professor in my field. Second, it would only be for three or four years.”

“USF is four.”

“Hmm… like I said, you decide. I’ll follow you.”

Dean looked at the two acceptance letters he had received, one from USF and the other from Kansas U which was closer to Chicago, where Sam and Jess were to be moving after graduation. Seeing his brother leave had been hard on Dean, but never as hard as it would have been without Cas. 

Without him, and without doc Moseley, Dean would certainly regress to his anxiety patterns, following his brother and aggravating him, destroying their relationship for ever. The thought of losing Dr Moseley, the only psychologist who had been able to get through to Dean, was enough to help him make his decision, turning towards his boyfriend with USF’s packet in his hand.

“I guess we’re not moving then?” Castiel said with a smile.

“Not unless you insist… but I like it here, and I still need Missouri close by… And anyway, I’ll be so busy with school, I wouldn’t even have time to go see Sam and Jess even if we were closer to them.”

“That’s true…”

“But you’re sure you’re okay with that? Me going to school and all? I won’t be pulling my weight as much.”

“Are you kidding me? I have seven years on you, I’ll need a proper nurse by my side when I’m all old and wrinkly.”

“Yeah, you might wanna get someone even younger for that, dude… I’m not that far behind you.”

“You’re the only one I want to be giving me sponge baths,” Castiel said in a low voice, snaking his arm under his boyfriend’s shirt.

“Speaking of… I think I remember seeing sponge bath mastering as one of the requisites… I think I should practice. Wanna be my guinea pig?”

“As long as there’s a lot of bubbles and a rubber ducky, I’m in.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 

<>• FIN •<>

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I read a lot about it all… it is safe to say I learned a lot. I can only hope that this is somewhat relatable. (To some extend, some stuff I wrote I closely relate to, if that means anything.)
> 
> Please feel free to let me know if there's anything I portrayed wrong.
> 
> I would have loved this piece to be beta'd but I kind of felt rush for time, because the AceSpnWeek is coming to an end… (well, it ends Sunday but I'm not done writing the second part yet).
> 
> Nothing's mine, copyright thingy, yatti yatti yatta! No money whatsoever will be made by me with this so… good luck suing me!


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